Can doctors really predict how long one has to live?
The Personal Health Navigator is available to all Canadian patients. Questions about your doctor, hospital or how to navigate the health care system can be sent to [email protected]
Question: My aunt was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. Her doctor said she had about six months to live. But she died just over one month later. Are doctors usually this bad at predicting how long patients will survive?
Answer: Unfortunately, doctors get it wrong more often than they get it right and most of the time they overestimate how long patients will live. Many physicians will shy away from making specific predictions. But patients and their families often want some idea about how long they might have left. And that desire to have a window on the future is certainly understandable.
However, the difficulty of making an accurate prediction was revealed in a study led by Dr. Debbie Selby, a palliative-care physician at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre.
The researchers reviewed data collected on 1,622 patients diagnosed with incurable diseases. Palliative-care doctors assessed each of the patients. During the assessments, the doctors recorded details about the patients and gave an estimate of survival time. In particular, the doctors said if they thought a patient would live less than a day, one to seven days, one to four weeks, one to three months, three to six months, six to 12 months or more than a year. The estimates were not given to the patients, so the doctors weren’t hampered by how their predictions might be received.
An analysis of those estimates showed that the doctors’ predictions often missed the mark.
“We are not good at being very accurate,” says Dr. Selby. “The vast majority of patients have less time than we predict.”
The doctors were right only half the time in cases involving patients who had less than a month to live and also for those who survived longer than a year, according to the study published in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management .
Predictions between one month and one year were even less accurate. The doctors were correct only one-third of the time. “And we tended to systemically overestimate the time left.”
Dr. Selby noted that the majority of terminally-ill patients fit into the middle group – with a survival time of a month to a year – the period that seems the most difficult to predict accurately.
So, why are the predictions unreliable? For starters, many of these patients are going through a “transition” in their medical condition and it is not easy to determine if they are in a steady or accelerating rate of decline. An unexpected turn of events – such as a bout of pneumonia – may suddenly speed up the dying process.
There are numerous measures – such as medical tests, physical exams and the patient’s history – that can also be used to produce a statistical likelihood of surviving a specific length of time. Yet even these calculations “are not any more accurate than the physicians’ predictions of survival.” she says.
Dr. Selby is convinced that not much can be done to significantly improve the estimates. As a result, she believes it’s important for health-care providers to let patients know that the estimates are simply best guesses. “We can’t tell the future,” she says, “but we can use our best guess to help people think about what may be important to them in whatever time they have left.”
Without those discussions, there is a risk that some patients may continue to focus on their ongoing medical treatment, neglecting everything else. Even when patients respond positively to a treatment – such as getting a reduction in the size of a cancerous tumour – it may not actually help them live substantially longer.
“I don’t have any qualms if somebody is getting chemotherapy until three days before dying so long as that was right for that person. But did that person have the opportunity to explore other options and decide what was right for them? I am not sure everyone does.”
For instance, some patients may want to take a trip to visit a special place, or see a loved one for a final time. Still others may want to be present at a certain event – such as the marriage of a family member. Sometimes, weddings can be moved forward, she notes. But other milestones – such as the birth of a grandchild – are simply not going to happen in time. In those cases, some patients may want to write cards that can be read by family and loved ones at key points in the future.
“I don’t think that we, in the medical community, do enough to ask patients what matters most to them,” says Dr. Selby. “We should help patients use their remaining time in the way that is right for them – recognizing that it is probably shorter than we think.”
Paul Taylor, Sunnybrook’s Patient Navigation Advisor, provides advice and answers questions from patients and their families. His blog, Personal Health Navigator , is reprinted on Healthy Debate with the kind permission of Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre . Follow Paul on Twitter @epaultaylor .
Paul Taylor is a health journalist and former Patient Navigation Advisor at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre, where he provided advice and answered questions from patients and their families. Paul will continue to write occasional columns for Healthy Debate.
Republish this article on your website under the creative commons licence.
The comments section is closed.
My mum has been given 3 months to live but doctors have told her that they can give her another 20 years to live if gets treatment she’s been doing both chemo and radiation shes been put down as terminal stage 4 Metastasis
I wish there was a way to send this to my i guess call him was my doctor he gave up, after promising trick left in his pocket after a blood pull never looked at numbers or went thru them with me never took a ct scan after 5 days of radaition never went thru that test because he never ordered it he never told me how much i did have he let his nurse practitioner tell me and i was there to talk about his trick left in his pocket what trick give me 3 months and let me drive home myself what a hero and my blood work number where aLMOST PERFECT
I’m sorry for your situation. My mother in law is going through the exact same thing with the fluid draining (she has metastatic ovarian cancer all over her body . Get off the conspiracy theory websites, relax and enjoy your final time here on earth. Stress will kill you quickly. They are more likely to note someone didn’t die of Covid even when they did, if they have other health conditions. You have to test positive for Covid, though, for it to be listed as cause of death, so if you have tested negative your cause of death will be accurate. Chill out.
That he probably had a bad diet and lifestyle. That’s what most disease boils down to. Preventable.
That’s so very true, I 100 percent agree that it should not be false hope of how long you have before passing..
I didnt understand what you wrote It was confirmed yesterday by my doc. I need a transplant asap. Im not that sick yet, but i feel the rapid decline of my body. I feel like the doctors and our politicians are deliberatly meddling in health care, and instead of helping me live they dont give me any treatment or any hope. They know im going to die soon and it took a month to get the fluid pumped out of my belly while I suffer. My belly grew so much I couldnt breath, and the big muscle in the middle of my stomach that runs vertically up and down tore! Even after the emergency room and calling the doc. That did surgery on me they let me go another week with the fluid building up by the minuite Can u imagine the damage that did to my insides! No one is in any hurry! No one cares! It feels like the standard procedure is to avoid the patient and not schedule for over a month! When they know that time is everything. Even in the emergency they wouldnt pump it out. All they talk about is how its too time consuming, for staff to sit there while it drains ( they have better things to do) On 1/6/21 It took about 20min to drain the water from my stomach over a gallon!. I feel that standard protical is to drag their feet the first 2 to 3 months of your treatment and hopfully by then u will be almost dead. If everything goes like your doctor plans you will be in a brain dead coma soon after. So you cant complain about how you were treated who knew? And your doctor is a hero a star player, bringing in all that money for the hospital during covid. Cheating my insurance co. With unnessary blood tests not for liver diagnosis. live in a very small town under 12,000 ppl He did 3 emergency gull bladder removals including mine in one day! My friend had hers removed by him the week before that! What a coincidence…. And this great hospital these (hero’s) get to lie and put COVID-19 ON MY DEATH CERTIFICATE! BURN IN HELL HILLARY CLINTON AND NANCY PELOSI!
Please dont let these devil worshipers kill me just for fun, someone help me please!!!
My husband went in for dental work for dentures. He was told he had cancer and he had 6 months to live and he needed to good his affairs in order. He decided if he was going to die there was no reason to go thru the expenses of getting what was left of his teeth pulled and dentures and the pain and expense if he has cancer.
2018 my doctor told me he give me 6months to a year to live if I didn’t stop smoking and drinking but told me I didn’t have cancer so what’s wrong with me
I believe that positive thoughts bring positive action I believe that only our Father God can know in reality when we will leave this Earth He has our life mapped out from beginning to end
Thank you for your opinion as I appreciate all the information as I have never seen a Dr. say what the thought how long to live & they were so close. It helped to give more less to plan out things. Only God knows how long.
We were told my daughter had about two weeks left that was six weeks ago. The strain is almost unbearable
My brother was diagnosed with end stage glioblastoma, not operable. Given 6 months to live. 6 months into that time period, he was given 3-4 weeks. That ended 2 months ago. We call him the Duracell Bunny now – he is only getting better on the steroids. Its been party time right through this period – he has defied all the odds. Very comfortable, no pain, few side effects of the high dose steroids. His mobility is poor and his blood sugars unstable. He is enjoying life, having honest and deep conversations with all his friends/family. If I could end my life like this last 9 months with him, I would be quite happy. A positive attitude and good palliative care makes a huge difference. He has come to terms with his fate and is quite happy to go when his time comes. I don’t see any sign of it coming soon though…
Yes, my doctor lady gave up on me. I have had that cancer for about 20 years. I had radiation, chemo therapy, a lot of medications and my PSA went upover 1000 . How much of a chance have I got. ??? Horst Pokorra, Oakhurst, CA 93644
My husband has dementia, severe mental Impairment, epilepsy, heart failure, 2 hips with mental strips after falling and breaking his left and right hip on 2 separate occasions, sclerosis of the liver, recently had a stroke, which has taken all his left side. He cannot eat or drink and has to have assistance.
Is he at the end of his life, if so how long do you think he has left. Cannot hear, does not understand what I say. First time I saw him was yesterday after 6 months of lockdown.
So considered opinion is that the time given to a terminal cancer patient is often longer than expected for actual survival? Why not just tell them the horrible truth? My father was sent home from hospital to be cared for by his family as he didn’t want to go to a nursing home, we were told he had maximum of 6 months…. he died within 6 days, we felt cheated. Yes if we were told his death was imminent we would have been devastated, however we would have been better prepared.
Weakness from not eating right from depression, can this kill
Very helpful. I was told 6- 12 months That was about 10 months ago. My next scan should shed more light on things. And my brother has also. Gone over his 12 months. So can only be seen as a bonus right. We both have the will to live in our 50 s i wont be needing a reply thank you.
My opinion on this is going to differ from the article and most of the comments. My father was recently hospitalized for low sodium. Right before being released after two days, the attending physician felt she should tell him that he had about 4 to 6 months to live. The only tests she had done were blood tests for the low sodium. She could not really be familiar with any of his other ailments. She stated she preferred to be frank with him so he would enjoy the rest of his life. This has had the opposite effect. He went into the hospital managing his illness. And now he feels like he has an expiration date. Did the doctor really think that my father would wake up tomorrow morning and start living his life to the fullest? As if he had not been trying to do just that. This is a man who needs knee joint replacement but is too old to have it. He is 93. He had a heart valve replacement 2 years ago but that’s doing fine. He has high blood pressure. A constant ear infection. Mild vertigo most of the time, anxiety such that he needs Xanax to sleep. And a few other things I sure I am forgetting. If he could go to senior dances still, he would. If he could drive places, he would. But now since he has been given this death sentence, he is losing all hope. How was this helpful? And it’s only ONE doctor’s opinion.
I have dilated Cardiomyopathy stage 3 and I have now made the decision to stop my heart medication as i could not cope with the side effects of the drugs any more and want to be in control of how I die . I dont know how much longer I will live now.and the doctors cant say as i have RA to .so this effects my health and strength to .i am not scared to die . in the words of Peter Pan (to die will be a great adventure)!! And although not religious I am spiritual.and have experience my passed on relatives near me often . So I look forward to catching up with them all again .What worries me is seeing the pain my lovely 4 children will experience at my death . As I still live with that feeling every day .when I saw my own mother die in front of me .and I wish I could spare my children and family that pain .But they are all strong and will support each other .and I will always be there watching over them .So bring it on .!!! Mavis xx
I am a cancer patient with 3/6months left to live I have taken this meaning as from day 1 ending with last day of the 6 months or whenever what I find hard is knowing but have come to prefer quality of time rather than plenty of time and no quality.
But I do feel sorry for doctors who are put in that position when asked to give time a patient has left to live? or to guess but most patients I feel already know the answer themselves, and just want, conformation.
The doctors told my grandma that she has 3 months to live are doctors always right.
Really great post. This answered the majority of my questions. When I read this I actually opened up a word document and started taking notes haha.
wise words, shame about the over-estimations but people do need a timescale to help them
Thank you for answering a part of what was written before I learned. Does DNA determine how much longer a person has to live ?
We are all dying from something. It begins the second we are born we are heading towards death . Some get there sooner than others but it will be something that we will all Eventually have to deal with. I can only hope my stage 4 in operable cancer is quick and painless . There is no treatment or cure for dying, ever living thing must face it from a blade of grass to the oldest living thing. Your time will come so it should also come as no surprise when it does. It’s Inevitable so embrace it and accept it
I agree. My brother is really sick and his wife has said for over 6 yrs he is dying. He has cancer of the liver. He is really strong hanging in there for years.Today she said the doctor is giving him one week. I feel that is up to him and his spirit not the doctor. No matter how sick he may look or feel. When Dr say this it is almost like turning on your dead switch. The placebo. If the TRUSTED GUY IN THE WHITE SUIT says I only have one week.. well, he MUST Be right. Everyone, family starts to believe the guy in the white suit. And sure as shit.. he will croak.. people expect it– well, there in one person and that is my brother- whether HE Believes the guy in the white suit or his spirit- I believe he will go when he feels is the right time . It is sad, because he starts to feel like a burden- ya know still being alive having ppl take care of him just counting down the days according to the Dr…
My aunt was really sick the dr said for the fam to be there n we were but my question is he said she had a few hours to die how did he know that n she did die that day a few hours later how he knew is my question. Thank you
yes that’s correct!
my husband had open heart surgery and a year later he passed away with stage 4 cancer,what does this mean?
I feel it is good to ask,” what matters most to you?”
This was informative!
I feel that I am sicker then my doctors are telling me. I wish they would tell me the truth.
I have a cousin that is 55 years old and recently diagnosed with brain cancer. The same kind that John McCain had. They did an exploratory emergency surgery on Sunday. They were unable to remove all of the tumor. Sent her to ICU until Thursday. At which time they sent her home with 2 to 4 months to live.
This article has helped me to understand many things. Most importantly that she’s on borrowed time already.
Thank you for writing this article, and for the study.
I am writing a dissertation re: benefit of telling a patient they have a given period of time to live. I would like to see any articles or any reading material that gives insight into this topic.
I am a critical care nurse now working in a medical day unit. Your article is very interesting and I truly feel there needs to be more of a focus on helping people prepare for death rather than leading them to believe in unrealistic time frames.
For a few years I have been working as a palliative care doc, and the issue of prognosis comes up with virtually every patient our team sees. This article touches on a very important but relatively rarely discussed issue – thanks for writing it, Paul. Here are a few comments generated by clinical experience, but not from a deep understanding of the literature on the topic.
Our ability to prognosticate is hugely affected by the patient’s disease. We are much more accurate with diseases that usually have a steady downward trend near the end (most advanced cancers) than those that have a more variable course (severe heart failure). I couldn’t tell what kind of patients were in Dr Selby’s study.
In palliative care we are increasingly seeing patients with advanced diseases other than cancer (heart failure, chronic obstructive lung disease, massive stroke, dementia) where the really important question about prognosis often isn’t the likelihood of death but the likelihood of a reasonable quality of life; and the question about treatment isn’t whether to start a new round of chemotherapy but whether to put in a feeding tube in someone 3 weeks after a severe stroke. I am struck by how often docs make definitive statements about the prognosis of their patients (“this patient has virtually no chance of a functional recovery”) when the literature suggests we should be a little more humble about our prognosticating abilities – see for example – http://www.strokejournal.org/article/S1052-3057(16)00037-9/abstract . Your article is a timely reminder of that.
In patients with advanced diseases we often have to provide advice about treatment decisions based upon our best guess of the prognosis, while recognizing that our best guess may not be super accurate (but is definitely better than flipping a coin). One approach I find useful (most of the patients I see are very close to the end of life) is to remind everyone that if we opt for a conservative approach now, based on what we think is most likely to happen, we can always reassess that approach if the patient unexpectedly gets better. “We’ll continue to give your mom the sips of food and water she can take, but we won’t put in a feeding tube because we think her likelihood of meaningful recovery from her stroke is low. However, should she unexpectedly perk up, we’ll reassess things and at that point we may decide a feeding tube is the right thing to do. “
Finally, I was a little surprised by this: “Dr. Selby is convinced that not much can be done to significantly improve the estimates.” One thing would be to recognize that as clinicians we systematically over-estimate prognosis and adjust our estimates accordingly. Also, doing a better job at prognostication is an important issue in clinical care. We should spend more time and money doing research to find ways that will allow clinicians to do a more accurate job at prognosticating.
FYI: Dr. Selby’s study included a board range of terminally ill patients who suffered from different medical conditions.
Further to her point that not much can be done to improve the accuracy of the predictions……
She has been studying this issue for much of her professional life. When she started her work, her original goal was to improve the accuracy of those prediction.
But she is now convinced “I don’t think we can” for the largest group of patients – those who have about one-to-12 months to live. There are just too many unpredictable factors to take into account. “There are some things we can do to be more accurate, but not much,” she say.
So, with that in mind, she believes doctors should let patients know that they can provide only a best guess — “recognizing that it (the time remaining) is probably shorter than we think.”
A timely article. Thanks. I agree with Dr. Selby that doctors should be more pessimistic in their predictions, since accuracy quite likely is unattainable, and therefore irrelevant. A “best guess” range is a call to action for family members and close friends as well. They need a “best guess” to plan for the impending death of a loved one: to support the loved one emotionally, to have important last visits and conversations, tidy up loose ends and threads of relationships and so on. This is especially important for those who live a considerable distance from their dying loved one. The “best guess” also helps the family member or close friend who assumes the personal assistant role in coordinating visits and phone calls, etc., so that the loved one is not overwhelmed.
I feel when a person is told that that day had just passed away everything changes in the whole life I really don’t think people care
Republish this article
- Please use the invisible republishing code below on the page where you republish this article.
- Please give credit to Healthy Debate and include a link back to our home page or the article URL . Our preference is a credit at the top of the article and that you include our logo (available by clicking the link below).
Please read the full set of instructions for republication here .
POLITICO Politico Logo
- Congress Minutes
- E&E News
- Search Search
In the Arena
He Was Given 6 Months to Live. Then He Changed D.C.
Brian Wallach was diagnosed with ALS the day his daughter came home from the hospital. In the time since, he’s radically changed how medical advocacy works and how the government approaches medical research.
Brian Wallach on April 12, 2019. | Photo by Kathleen Rooney/Courtesy of I AM ALS
By Sam Stein
01/14/2022 04:30 AM EST
Sam Stein is POLITICO’s White House editor.
As he waited inside Room 2358c of the Rayburn House Office Building, the realization set in for Brian Wallach that he had five minutes to shape the rest of his life.
Not save it. He had been given his death sentence nearly two years ago when, at the age of 37, on the day his newborn daughter came home from the hospital, his doctor told him he had the progressive neurodegenerative disease Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, or ALS.
No, this was a chance to accomplish what he’d set out to do after that diagnosis, to make something of this final chapter, something that would materially impact others with this horrible, fatal illness and just maybe — after all, one must hope — allow him a chance to survive it too.
He was dressed in a sharp blue suit and a striped blue tie, the type of outfit he had confidently worn when he worked at the Obama White House or, after that, the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago, the arc of his professional achievements facing nary a disruption.
But that was then. Now, life was defined by disruptions — visible in subtle ways that day. He had always been thin but was thinner now. There was a hitch to his gait, a scratch in his voice and his fingers pinched as a result of his muscles slowly failing him. It was early April 2019. And, in classic D.C. fashion, it was unseasonably muggy. The room, packed with other patients and advocates, family members and supporters, made it all the worse.
As Brian waited, those patients and advocates took their turns sitting at a massive oval table placed in front of a dais, each getting five minutes to make the case that their disease deserved funding and attention from the members of the House Appropriations Subcommittee on Labor, Health and Human Services, and Education.
Five minutes. A clock was there to remind them that was all they got. And if that wasn’t enough of an indignity, there was the site at the dais: About a dozen chairs — plush and leather and arranged in a neat arc — sat empty. Only one member had come to listen: Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.), the subcommittee’s chair.
At 3:14 p.m., it was Brian’s turn. The timer started.
“I will not see my daughters grow up,” he said. His pace was methodical, owed to the practice sessions he’d done. There was only a slight strain in his voice. “There is no cure. Not because ALS can’t be cured but because we have underfunded the fight against ALS year after year after year. I know this committee doesn’t often hear from people with ALS. You don’t because ALS is a relentless churn. We diagnose. We die, quickly. We don’t have time to advocate.”
He implored the committee to take action, explaining that it had the power to save his and other patients’ lives. And then, it was over.
DeLauro, having sat there with her hands clasped in front of her mouth, thanked him for his testimony. Brian thanked her in return and stood up and left, fearful he’d burst into tears after she offered her hope that he’d see his daughters’ kindergarten graduations.
Off to the side, Brian’s wife Sandra was sobbing. Later, she would tell me how vulnerable she felt watching her husband speak, how “emotionally protective” she was seeing him sitting there at that table, weakened and alone.
“The intensity of being given five minutes to make the case for your life and the life of so many people. The intensity of that, the stakes of that, how dire it all is,” she recalled. “I fell apart.”
Brian eventually fell apart too. In the hall outside, he and Sandra embraced and cried together as Hill aides and others who had been in the room mingled around them. The next day, we texted.
“Wish my voice was stronger but other than that good,” he said of the testimony. “It is a start. We have a lot of work left.”
Over time, Brian would explain to me just what that work entailed. He didn’t just want to stand up an entirely new ALS advocacy group, or secure more funding for ALS research, or expand access to treatments for the roughly 15,000 Americans with ALS, or provide inspiration to others, or demonstrate to his children that their father, even in his abbreviated time, did something meaningful. He wanted to fundamentally alter the way patient advocacy works and how investments in medical research for fatal diseases were conceived.
“I like to dream small,” he would tell me in one of our many conversations.
Within two-and-a-half years, he had done it.
If Brian’s testimony before DeLauro’s committee was a starting gun for his legislative efforts, the finish line came in a little-noticed ceremony on Dec. 23, 2021. As much of political Washington D.C. was leaving town for the holidays, President Joe Biden signed into law the Accelerating Access to Critical Therapies for ALS Act, or ACT for ALS.
The bill, which Brian helped write, authorized $100 million a year over a five-year period for ALS research and to help individuals with ALS who had been unable to participate in clinical trials to get expanded access to the new medications being studied. It established FDA guidelines around those studies along with grant programs to fund them. And it called for greater coordination, both between private and public researchers and between federal agencies with respect to their work on neurological diseases.
Congress has yet to decide exactly how to allocate that money and where the money will come from, but the authorization was historic. The Ice Bucket Challenge in 2014 had raised $115 million total for ALS research. This did nearly the same every year over half a decade.
“It is not a stretch to say it could very well be life saving for many individuals with ALS,” said Paul Melmeyer, the vice president for public policy and advocacy at the Muscular Dystrophy Association, which worked alongside Brian in pushing for the bill. “Individuals who otherwise would have not obtained any investigational therapy or promising therapy … have a much greater opportunity to access these therapies. … This has never been done before.”
At the signing ceremony, Biden was flanked by screens showing ALS patients and advocates who had beamed in virtually for the occasion. He thanked them and members of Congress who had pushed for the legislation. But he singled out Brian and Sandra specifically.
“They turned their pain into purpose,” Biden said of the two.
Pain hadn’t always been a defining feature of Brian’s life.
In our talks over the past three years, he described an idyllic childhood in the D.C. area where it was almost preordained that he’d find success in a field of law, politics or somewhere in between. His grandfather had been the last U.S. ambassador to Iran. His mother practiced at the Securities and Exchange Commission. His father was a partner at the firm Hale & Dorr, currently known as WilmerHale.
Brian went to all the top institutions — St. Albans, Yale, Georgetown Law — excelled at sports and did the things a political striver would do. In college, he wrote his senior thesis on how presidents selected their cabinets.
Pain was introduced into the equation during his junior year at Yale when, unexpectedly, the dean of his residential college called him to say there was “some bad news” and that he needed to call his mother. His father had died of a heart attack. He was 54.
Brian often sidestepped my attempts to get him to reflect on how much this shaped his life, save to say that “it created in me this pursuit of the epic.” At one point, he told me that he believed if he lived longer than his dad, he “would be lucky” — not to make the point that ALS had been doubly cruel, depriving him of even his abridged version of what a full life would be, but to emphasize that his mindset was already on an accelerated path.
His younger brother, Peter, suggested that their dad’s death made Brian more risk tolerant and, in a way, ambitious; that suddenly it crystalized for him that time is finite and shouldn’t be wasted on side pursuits.
And it wasn’t. After Georgetown Law, Brian joined the Obama presidential campaign as its deputy political director for the New Hampshire primary. From there came a stint at the powerhouse firm Skadden, Arps before he went to work at the White House counsel’s office in 2011. His defining professional characteristic became his rather insane work ethic. I know because my wife was in the counsel’s office with him, and on the occasions when she’d work until 2 a.m., it would be Brian with whom she’d invariably share a cab ride home.
Years later, Brian was enduring long work hours once more, this time in Chicago as a federal criminal prosecutor in the U.S attorney’s office — the “dream job” that seemed to everyone around him like the logical launching pad for some future run for elected office. It was April 2017, and he was handling a case involving gun smugglers who had brought weapons from Indiana into Illinois.
His left hand cramped up and he dropped his pen. Minutes later, it happened again.
Brian was diagnosed with ALS a few months after the pen incident. He had been coughing throughout his time at the hospital where he and Sandra were waiting to bring their second daughter home. The neurologist that examined him said he likely had six months to live. A battery of tests and consultations followed, all bringing the same conclusion: It may not be six months, but he had a disease that meant the progressive degeneration of his brain’s motor nerve cells. It would kill him.
About a month after the diagnosis, Brian said, he first started thinking about what to do with the time left. In November, he met with a neurologist in Boston who planted an idea in his head. What if he and Sandra, who had been Sen. Dick Durbin’s press secretary before going to work on the Obama campaign and then becoming press secretary to Education Secretary Arne Duncan, applied their political backgrounds to ALS advocacy?
“I can’t tell you that you don’t have ALS,” the doctor told him. “But I can ask you this question. If you do have ALS, what do you want to do? You’re 37. You know lots of people. You can make a difference.”
He and Sandra started discussing whether they could start a new venture while juggling the demands of being parents and Brian’s deteriorating health. They did their research too. “We flew around the country and met with different groups to figure out if there was a single group doing this thing right,” Brian told me. “It’s like a presidential campaign, you want to figure out if this is the right thing for you.”
What they discovered was that, for all its lofty purposes, ALS advocacy lacked something fundamental: a basic understanding of how modern D.C. works. Pulling heart strings can get you a press release, but legislative outcomes require sustained engagement, robust fundraising and personal connections.
Sandra, for one, recalled her time on the Hill when advocates would have “fly-in” days to meet staff and push causes. “They’re emotional but that one moment in time doesn’t move the needle,” she told me. Activists were “building the wheel every time.”
The two decided to build something new. On Jan. 22, 2019, they launched I AM ALS. Unlike establishment groups that focused largely on policy, it would be unapologetic in tackling the politics of ALS. And, contrary to what Brian would tell DeLauro, it would place a big bet that victims of ALS could indeed be committed activists, even as they prepared for death.
The group would provide support and resources for those newly diagnosed. It would fund existing research and demand lawmakers spend more too. But the holy grail would be to convince the government to allow ALS patients greater access to clinical trials and to help pick up the tab, which lawmakers and federal agencies had been reluctant to do out of concern that it would be too expensive, that the payoff would be too uncertain, and that they would lure patients away from existing studies if new and potentially ground-breaking ones became available.
“If you testified in Congress and the question was, ‘Give us a complete rundown of all the progress we’ve made on ALS and other neurodegenerative diseases since Lou Gehrig’s [1939 “luckiest man”] speech,’ the testimony would not take long,” said Rep. Mike Quigley (D-Ill.), one of the members with whom Brian worked most closely on the legislative push. “The fact is, we needed to pivot and take a different direction.”
To start the pivot, Brian turned to a kitchen cabinet of unpaid advisers who helped him stand up I AM ALS and connect him with key players across D.C. One of the first was Michael Slaby, who had been chief technology officer for Obama’s 2008 campaign, and currently serves as the group’s interim CEO. He enlisted Ben LaBolt, Obama’s press secretary for the 2012 campaign, to help with comms work, held semi-regular calls with other Obama alums, and utilized his connections to the Obama Foundation to get the former president to put out a video touting I AM ALS as a philosophical extension of the Obama campaign itself.
For the group’s board, he got, among others, Dan Tate, an ALS patient himself and a founding partner of the lobby shop Forbes Tate Partners, which on a pro bono basis helped coordinate I AM ALS’ grassroots and Hill strategy. And he hired a range of officials who worked at the intersection of biomedical research and politics for the day when he himself would be gone.
“One of the biggest difficulties for ALS groups is that when the person who founded the group gets sick, the group falls apart,” Brian told me.
He hired several lobbying shops, including Winning Strategies Washington. At the firm’s office in downtown D.C., Brian would occasionally work. In one session — which he let me sit in on before the firm’s staff kindly asked me to leave — the granularity of his involvement was on full display. He didn’t just want medical experts to accompany advocates to the Hill, he wanted them to have ready data for the question he and Sandra knew they’d get by some time-strapped legislative assistant: “Your story is moving. But how is it different from story 1, 2, 3, and 4?” He wanted to target lawmakers who worked on defense budgets by enlisting veterans who were suffering from ALS. (According to several studies, veterans are 1.5 to 2 times more likely to get ALS than those in the general population.) He wanted to underscore, ad nauseam, that ALS research could unlock cures for other neurodegenerative diseases, like Parkinson’s and muscular dystrophy. Don’t ask for a moonshot, he stressed, ask for scientific discovery.
The group helped score some early victories, including getting the Pentagon to double its investments in ALS research from $10 million to $20 million, and then to double it again to $40 million. They created an ALS Caucus on the Hill. Brian personally delivered a letter and accompanying stack of paper signed by 10,089 ALS activists to the FDA demanding it publish long-promised, revised guidance on how ALS clinical trials could be designed. The agency subsequently did it.
Through it all, Brian seemed to be everywhere. Over coffee one day he casually dropped that he was in a rush to talk with David Bradley, the D.C. media mogul and founder of two of Washington’s top consultancies. At other times he was off to chat with top officials at the National Institutes of Health, or with Priscilla Chan, Mark Zuckerberg’s wife and head of the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative, at the Aspen Ideas Festival, or with Donald Trump’s FDA commissioners: first Scott Gottlieb and then Stephen Hahn.
“A human rolodex,” is how Eric Schultz, another Obama vet who has worked informally with Brian put it. “But it didn’t go to waste. A lot of people want that at their disposal for prestige purposes. But that wasn’t Brian and Sandra.”
The breakneck speed seemed unsustainable. But Brian found it calming to be working, especially around other patients, where conversations didn’t necessitate explaining what ALS was and how it affected people. He felt, in a way, responsibility toward them — not just because he had a skill set and connections that could be used to improve their lives but because, for the time being, he was able to stand and talk and do things that allowed him to fit in more easily among the rest of society.
But he also knew his clock was ticking. As we sat at a coffee shop in D.C. during one of those early Hill blitzes, he mentioned the awe he felt watching other prominent ALS activists who were more stricken by the disease than he was.
“You know you will be there,” Brian said. “But you don’t think about how you will be when you’re there.”
In June 2020, ACT for ALS was formally introduced .
Not surprisingly, Brian had done his homework. He scheduled a meeting with Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.) because a legendary high school football coach in his state, Allan Trimble, had recently announced that he too had ALS. He worked with Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) because her cousin’s husband had died of the disease. He collaborated on the idea of the ALS Caucus with Rep. Jason Crow (D-Colo.), who lost a cousin to ALS. He co-wrote a Fox News op-ed with Rep. Jeff Fortenberry (R-Neb.), whose wife’s brother had the disease and who would be, along with Quigley, the main driver of the bill.
When Brian wasn’t meeting with lawmakers personally, his group and the activist community was pushing them, oftentimes aggressively. One Republican Hill aide described it as “a blowtorch of advocacy.”
“You have to understand,” Fortenberry told me, “When it comes to the small disease category, for an office to dedicate itself to it is a huge ask. We don’t have unlimited resources. Other offices might be sympathetic. But they don’t have the capacity to deal with this either. All of these things create hurdles and roadblocks. You have to have this almost unimaginable alignment for this to happen. And ultimately it takes perseverance from people like Brian.”
With Sandra as a media sherpa, Brian turned himself into an avatar for the cause. He did national TV, used Twitter vociferously and, after sitting for another magazine profile while he and I were talking for this piece, suggested as a fall back that we simply write a book. When he told me, more recently, that he had sat down for yet another magazine profile , his consolation prize was only slightly different. “If we don’t do the piece,” he wrote, “I got 2 book offers today.” In December 2019 he showed up in Times Square, as I AM ALS took over two massive billboards there that flashed signs like “ALS IS OVER If you want it” and “F*CK YOU ALS.” The billboard takeover was accompanied by an over-the-top Jerry Bruckheimer-like video promoting their promotion. In May 2020, Brian texted me that his organization had also gotten $350,000 to make a documentary, which is now 90 percent done.
It wasn’t just press for the sake of it. Sandra wanted to change the very perception of a classic ALS story from tragic into hopeful. “No one is going to engage and help us if you shut them down with a depressing story line,” she explained.
As his public persona grew, so too did the expectations and demands around him. At one meeting, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.) — whom Brian had gotten to know through mutual friends — called him the “face of ALS.” Brian reacted nonchalantly to the compliment. But after Swalwell left the room, he showed some discomfort. The campaign wasn’t his alone. And while he desperately wanted to change how the government fought diseases like the one had, it was coming at a personal cost.
“You know you’ve been given this honor to be in this room but then you have a moment that I would rather be anywhere but here,” he told me.
Brian’s body was deteriorating. He was using a cane and would soon switch to a wheelchair. As the legislative process kept moving — with more co-sponsors signing on to the bill and negotiations over the contours of the expanded access program progressing — he began losing his ability to speak. Sandra stepped into the breach. On July 29, 2021, she delivered his testimony for him at a hearing before the House Energy and Commerce Health Subcommittee. She called it, “our closing argument for our lives.”
Anxiety was growing. Fortenberry said he feared Brian would die before the bill passed. Quigley, according to a person familiar with the internal talks, warned colleagues that if that were to happen, he would be livid. By the end of the year, the legislation had made it through the committee, with lawmakers having worked through sticking points over the expanded access funding guidelines. It had far more co-sponsors than votes needed. The question was when it would get a full vote.
The bill came to the House floor on Dec. 8 and passed 423-3. Eight days later, it unanimously passed the Senate. Within a week, Biden had signed it into law. Decades of relative inertia had been reversed in a month, all with Brian still alive.
“In an era of complete polarization, I AM ALS managed a minor miracle: winning overwhelming congressional support for a substantial, perhaps even transformational piece of legislation,” Ady Barkan , perhaps the most well-known ALS patient-advocate, said in an email. “Act For ALS was conceived of, written by, and passed because of people living with the disease and our loved ones. Brian and Sandra built a powerful organization, and mobilized the ALS community to accomplish something wonderful. I am grateful and in awe.”
A few weeks after Biden signed ACT for ALS into law, Brian announced that a person in his household had contracted Covid. For the mass of people dealing with the Omicron outbreak, this would have been an inconvenience. For Brian, it meant facing the possibility of death.
He and his family had taken extreme precautions to avoid getting the disease. Still, it had found him. His wife and daughters left for his in-laws, leaving Brian isolated at home with a caregiver.
When we texted, his answers were shorter than usual. He was not yet infected. They had caught it early. There was hope.
He had had scares before. One time he fell on a curb, busted his head open and ended up in the ER with 11 staples in his head. Two months ago, he rolled out of bed and gashed his head in two places. It was 2 a.m. Sandra couldn’t reach anyone on the phone to come help and was too scared to risk a Covid infection by bringing him to the ER. So they sat there for two hours as she used towels to staunch the bleeding until finally she felt comfortable walking over to a neighbor’s house to ask for help lifting Brian back into bed.
As he was surviving these brushes with death, those he had grown to find community with and solace from were not. When Pat Quinn, one of the Ice Bucket challenge organizers died, Brian told me it hit him hard, more so because he’d also lost four other friends that same month. A year earlier, when Pete Frates, the other Ice Bucket challenge organizer died, Brian shared an email he had received from Ady.
“Ady just emailed with an apt summary: ‘No one fucking survives this thing,’” Brian wrote. “For 150 years it has been true. Do I think we will succeed where others have not? Yes. It may sound insane but what I see every day in terms of progress is simply astounding.”
As we talked over the years, it became harder to see how Brian maintained this commitment. After all, he had the luxury of knowing what his father didn’t: that his time was finite.
He’d made adjustments. His phone was put in a drawer when he was with the kids. He planned trips to bucket list places. He no longer got frustrated by the annoying routines that accompany parenthood. He and Sandra talked about the end of life, what kind of care he would want and the logistics of dying. I asked him once if he believed the disease had made him a better person.
“It’s a difficult question to answer because,” he responded. “On the one hand, ALS leaves you with emotional and mental clarity vis-a-vis what matters in the world. It enables you to be more empathetic and in tune with people around you because you know even if they have a plan they may be struggling as much as you are.”
He and I were sitting in the Capitol that day, after yet another meeting with members and in preparation for a ceremony honoring Steve Gleason, the former NFL player stricken by ALS.
“But the reason why it’s hard to answer,” he went on, “is that, at the same time, I feel like I’m a worse father. I feel like I’m a worse husband. Not because I don’t want to be there but because I can’t physically be there and that, at times, causes me to withdraw. I see them playing and I want to go to them. But I know that if I do, there is a chance I can fall and that will be a disaster for everyone.”
With ALS, life changes don’t just happen to the patient but to those around him and her. Peter, for one, described the mental anguish of feeling an arm twitch and wondering if he would soon suffer his brother’s fate. The two talk almost every day as he tries to savor the time when he can still make out the words in Brian’s speech. He said he found himself, at times, wondering what he would say at his funeral.
Sandra, meanwhile, had to become a full-time caregiver while raising two young girls, all in the midst of a pandemic. The public face of determination she wore often hid the incredible toll the disease had taken.
“It is true that when something like this happens to you, you understand the beauty of the present moment,” she told me. “But the caveat for me is it is underpinned with grief.”
Brian’s response to all this — to the worrying, and the grief, and the literal and figurative ticking clocks — is to find some purpose in the moment and to take stock of what is good. To text with joy that, upon turning 41, he can still hold a beer with one hand. To post about the serenity of looking out over the waters of Lake Michigan, or the thrill of still being able to pick up his daughter from school.
“Every day in life is a sprint,” he once told me. “But I know that barring some terrible catastrophe, the end will not be tomorrow. Two-to-five years in the scheme of things is short. But I have this new temporal horizon where it feels remarkably long to me.”
At night, he signs off his last tweet with the phrase “Good Night Moon,” an homage to the famous children’s book in which a little bunny, heading off to sleep, looks around the room and says goodbye to all that’s in it and the stars, air and moon as well. He is grateful for what is there, both near and far, as he drifts off alone to a different place where that world won’t be.
- Forums Premium Forum Iowa Football Iowa Basketball The Main Board New posts Trending Search forums
- Football Scores/Schedule Roster Depth Chart Statistics
- FB Recruiting Rankings Rivals250 Team Rankings Offer List Visit Dates Commitment List Recruiting Board Scholarship Distribution Chart Football Recruiting Database The Ticker
- Basketball Scores/Schedule Roster Statistics
- BB Recruiting Rivals150 Offer List Visit Dates Commitment List Recruiting Board Scholarship Distribution Chart Basketball Recruiting Database The Ticker
- Shop Iowa Fan Shop
- Atlantic 10
- Conference USA
- Junior College
- Mountain West
- East Carolina
- Wake Forest
- Boston College
- Virginia Tech
- Georgia Tech
- North Carolina
- North Carolina State
- Florida State
- Kansas State
- Oklahoma State
- West Virginia
- St. John's
- Michigan State
- Arizona State
- Oregon State
- Washington State
- Texas A&M
- Mississippi State
- South Carolina
- Southern Miss
- Louisiana Tech
- Middle Tennessee
- Western Kentucky
- Florida Atlantic
- Florida International University
- North Texas
- James Madison University
- JUCO Football
- JUCO Basketball
- San Diego State
- Boise State
- Fresno State
- Colorado State
- Texas State
- New Mexico State
- Appalachian State
- Arkansas State
- Louisiana Monroe
- Western Michigan
- Central Michigan
- Robert Morris
- Northern California
- Southern California Preps
- Oklahoma Varsity
- Texas Basketball
- New Jersey Basketball
- New York City Basketball
- Greater Cincinnati
- West Virginia Preps
- Magnolia Preps
- North Carolina Private School Sports
- Canada Varsity
- Other Forums
- High Schools
Friend given 6-12 months to live....What do I say?
- Thread starter SF HAWKEYE
- Start date Apr 16, 2021
- Apr 16, 2021
One of my best friends from Oakland called me on Tuesday to tell me was given 6-12 months to live, and that's IF he undergoes Chemo. He's only 46 years old, Him and his wife and 13 year old daughter are dear friends of ours. TBW and I were both in their wedding and lived next door to them for 6 years in Oakland. Every few months we do facetime shots with them and everytime I'm in the Bay area I stay at their house. On NYE we called them to do a shot and he said he couldn't because he had bad heartburn but next time. Then in Feb. same thing, but he said he was losing weight so that was a good thing. In March we called for his birthday and same thing except he sounded scared and said he was having trouble swallowing and was going to the doctor to get it checked out. Had an Endoscopy and they found a tumor in his esophagus at the opening to his stomach, they weren't sure if it was cancerous until they did some test and did a CT Scan. He called to tell me that it was cancer and it had spread to his lymph nodes. Met with the Oncologist Tuesday and they gave him the bad news that it was inoperable and very agressive. He would have to begin chemo immediately to give him any hope of surviving the next 6-12 months. This is a guy that has never smoked a cigarette, drinks but not an alcoholic by any means, doesn't have cancer in the family. Doctor told him it's just one of those things that happens where he had very bad luck. Told him it probably started less than a year ago and just moved very quickly. He was on the fence about getting Chemo when we spoke. Said he feels fine (other than only being able to eat soup broth) and doesn't want to spend his last days laying sick in a bed going through Chemo. Thinks maybe he'll just ride it out while he can still look and act like a normal person as long as he can. His wife and I talked him into the chemo with the hopes that some miracle may happen or some new cure comes along while he's in Chemo. TBW are flying out there for a weekend to be with them and hang out before he gets too sick. I feel terrible talking to him because I really don't know what to say. He doesn't want sympathy, says at work everyone mopes around him and gives him the sad face. He just wants me to be normal, but it's tough to do. I've lost 3 good friends the past 4 years including one to this exact same cancer. I did the Eulogy for 2 of them and I just really feel uncomfortable about how this happening to all these friends in their 40's. I told him that I'm here for him day or night, if he wants to call and scream at someone or call and cry to someone I'm here for him. But I'm just curious if anyone else has went through this on either side and what they appreciated or hated people saying. It's really trivialized every other aspect of my life, I don't sweat anything any more it seems. While I'm having trouble sleeping because I drank too much coffee my friend is having trouble sleeping because he won't see his daughter opening Christmas presents. Any advice appreciated. and #FVCKCANCER
There’s not really a right thing to say. I’ve lost my mom and dad to cancer and they found out in a very similar fashion to your friend. You’ve just got to be there for him and his family and be the same friend you’ve always been. It’s hard, it sucks, and it won’t be feeling good anytime soon. I’ll hope for a miracle for your friend. I’ll add that I got real sick of all of the pizza people kept bringing over while my dad was sick, but they meant well so I always appreciated it.
Ask him if there is anything that u can do for him. And take him out and do fun things. Beers, pool, ball games, hookers, blow, weed, etc.
As someone who has witnessed the effects of chemo on several loved ones, I would only get chemo if my prognosis was not terminal. Never would do it if it would only extend my life by months or maybe even a year. But there is no right or wrong answer. It should be each individual's personal decision.
My mom's going through the same thing with one of her really good friends. She's to the point where continued treatment doesn't make any difference, and it's just a matter of when. In the end, the thing that matters is spending time with them, if you can. My mom has been flying down about 1x/mo to hang out with her. Just being there makes a huge difference. In the case of my mom's friend, she can't speak any longer, so my mom will just sit there and my mom will talk and her friend will write responses back to her, and they'll hang out and laugh and reminisce. That would be my advice - find a way to go hang out with him, and just visit and keep him company, and take his mind off it for a while. It sounds like he has family to take care of him, so what he may really need is a friend to spend some time with who isn't just there to feel sorry for him.
Along with lending support during this time I'd think the thing he's worried most about is how his wife and daughter do after he's gone. If you can lend support after he's gone assure him of that. I think that would be what he'd appreciate the most.
Fan In Black
Im really sorry about your friend. I would just be yourself, be supportive, and be honest with him about how you feel. No need to perfect in these times. Just be a friend. Story sucks. I hate cancer.
tumorboy said: Ask him if there is anything that u can do for him. And take him out and do fun things. Beers, pool, ball games, hookers, blow, weed, etc. Click to expand...
SF HAWKEYE said: One of my best friends from Oakland called me on Tuesday to tell me was given 6-12 months to live, and that's IF he undergoes Chemo. He's only 46 years old, Him and his wife and 13 year old daughter are dear friends of ours. TBW and I were both in their wedding and lived next door to them for 6 years in Oakland. Every few months we do facetime shots with them and everytime I'm in the Bay area I stay at their house. On NYE we called them to do a shot and he said he couldn't because he had bad heartburn but next time. Then in Feb. same thing, but he said he was losing weight so that was a good thing. In March we called for his birthday and same thing except he sounded scared and said he was having trouble swallowing and was going to the doctor to get it checked out. Had an Endoscopy and they found a tumor in his esophagus at the opening to his stomach, they weren't sure if it was cancerous until they did some test and did a CT Scan. He called to tell me that it was cancer and it had spread to his lymph nodes. Met with the Oncologist Tuesday and they gave him the bad news that it was inoperable and very agressive. He would have to begin chemo immediately to give him any hope of surviving the next 6-12 months. This is a guy that has never smoked a cigarette, drinks but not an alcoholic by any means, doesn't have cancer in the family. Doctor told him it's just one of those things that happens where he had very bad luck. Told him it probably started less than a year ago and just moved very quickly. He was on the fence about getting Chemo when we spoke. Said he feels fine (other than only being able to eat soup broth) and doesn't want to spend his last days laying sick in a bed going through Chemo. Thinks maybe he'll just ride it out while he can still look and act like a normal person as long as he can. His wife and I talked him into the chemo with the hopes that some miracle may happen or some new cure comes along while he's in Chemo. TBW are flying out there for a weekend to be with them and hang out before he gets too sick. I feel terrible talking to him because I really don't know what to say. He doesn't want sympathy, says at work everyone mopes around him and gives him the sad face. He just wants me to be normal, but it's tough to do. I've lost 3 good friends the past 4 years including one to this exact same cancer. I did the Eulogy for 2 of them and I just really feel uncomfortable about how this happening to all these friends in their 40's. I told him that I'm here for him day or night, if he wants to call and scream at someone or call and cry to someone I'm here for him. But I'm just curious if anyone else has went through this on either side and what they appreciated or hated people saying. It's really trivialized every other aspect of my life, I don't sweat anything any more it seems. While I'm having trouble sleeping because I drank too much coffee my friend is having trouble sleeping because he won't see his daughter opening Christmas presents. Any advice appreciated. and #FVCKCANCER Click to expand...
Please accept my condolences.
Dude, I am SO SORRY to hear this. Good lord I just feel awful for them. While I don't think there is much you can do besides make every attempt to see him, I would ask him what he wants. Ask him how he wants to spend these days and then do whatever you can to be as involved or not involved as he wants. Ask his wife too. Good luck and god bless him and his family!
Man brother, I am sorry to hear this. **** CANCER!!!! How is his wife and daughter doing?
That sucks and I can't say that I've gone through the same thing. But, maybe just ask him what role you can play for him? Does he need a person that he can be there for him when it's all too much or does he already have those roles filled? Does he need a guy that he can call that will treat him like nothing is different than it was a year ago? Sometimes you just want a guy to answer the phone with a what's up bitch tits instead of a sympathetic how are you doing. Maybe he is overwhelmed with planning for when he is gone and needs people to assure him his family is going to have people around to help them.
Very sorry to hear this. You sound like a great friend. And probably the best gift you can give him is continue to be his good friend. Watching a loved one slip away is something we aren’t accustomed to experiencing. I don’t have any magical words other than just keep being there for him ... so sorry ... sending my best to you ...
I am sure your friend is reminded every day from colleagues and other friends about his condition. i am trying to picture myself in your friends shoes and maybe outside of a brief time of seriousness, i would think i would want a weekend with a friend coming into town to feel like a normal weekend getting together with an old friend sorry you and your friend have to go theough this
Tell him you love him, then go do something fun. A ballgame, head to the casino, hit up a good brewery, etc. Try your best to treat it like any other time you guys have hung out, because the elephant in the room is huge; no need to get into the sad stuff if you can avoid it. Most of all, I’m truly sorry for your friend and all of his loved ones. I’m pissed, actually. This shit just isn’t fair.
That's terrible. I have no advice. Sorry for all involved.
We have a critically ill friend who needs a transplant, which of course comes with no guarantee either. He told me he's received a lot of wordy sympathy but just a simple and sincere "I'm so sorry" meant the most. Recognizing and sharing his burden is what he really appreciated.
Tell him you love him. Give him a hug. If you are a man of faith, pray with him. Sit and spend time with him. If you see something around his house that needs doing, do it. Maybe take care of laundry or mowing so he can have more time with his wife and kid. I'm sure you hate to think of a time after he is gone, but once he is gone, check on his wife and kid. On dates like his birthday or angelversary, let them know that you are thinking about him and them.
Make a few new memories... head to new orleans, meet some SEC cheerleaders.
I know a guy who was given 6 months in Sept of 2019 He still alive and actually looks better now than he did then. Pray and hope
Ugh. I hate hearing this news...for anyone. I have just in the past few years watched exactly this scenario with exactly this cancer at the root and there was nothing good about it. Terrible for all involved and of course, especially for the afflicted and their family. It does sound like this man has a great friend in you OP and I also wish you the very best as you help him over the next few months. I would recommend that you ask him how he thinks that you can best support and love him. But there really isn't just one right answer to tough questions like this in my experience. I wish you both the best.
z_ape said: Tell him to get a second... a third opinion, pronto. Inoperable now... but what if you knock it back with chemo/radiation? If only in the nodes -- which admittedly ain't good, and is more meaningful for some disease than others -- I'd still think there would be options on the table. What type of cancer? Click to expand...
jasonrann said: Dude, I am SO SORRY to hear this. Good lord I just feel awful for them. While I don't think there is much you can do besides make every attempt to see him, I would ask him what he wants. Ask him how he wants to spend these days and then do whatever you can to be as involved or not involved as he wants. Ask his wife too. Good luck and god bless him and his family! Click to expand...
luvmyhawks said: Man brother, I am sorry to hear this. **** CANCER!!!! How is his wife and daughter doing? Click to expand...
"What can I do for you"? That's what I would say to my friend.
😌 T's & P's,
z_ape said: What type of cancer? Click to expand...
You simply say, man I'm really sorry to hear that. You know I love you, and I'm here no matter what you need. What can I do to help you through this.
First of all, I am very sorry to hear this. I just went through a similar situation with a friend and coworker, he passed away a month ago. I want to echo the sentiments of the folks that say continue to be who you are with him and try to keep things as normal and light hearted as possible when you are together. I am sure you have both broken down and acknowledged the situation. He will go through it every moment he is alone with his thoughts and when he is around his family. Sometimes the best you can do is be a respite from that reality. Best of luck to him in his fight.
St. Louis Hawk
Start with: Hookers and blow weekend on me in Vegas my friend. I’ve talked to your wife and she says knock yourself out big boy. So we’re staying at Encore and I’ve arranged the cast of Charmed lookalikes to accompany us all weekend. Treat him like you would treat him without the bad news. In my experience, just being there is a lot. Can you go to the doctor or take him to chemo? It takes some of the burden off his wife and it is comforting to have a friend there. Sorry to hear this.
FWIW when we visited my Dad in the hospital for the last time before he died of pancreatic cancer, one of his best friends was there and was able to make my Dad laugh. I've always admired his friend for knowing how to act and things to say to help distract my Dad for a few hours. Maybe something like that would be appreciated.
SF HAWKEYE said: Chatted with his wife last night, she's in a tough spot. They just purchased a $600K house with his parents in Sept. and they all live there. His parents aren't doing well with the news so she is trying to be strong for everyone and its a struggle. Click to expand...
- This f&cking sucks and is completely unfair. F&ck you cancer.
- Are my kids going to be okay financially?
- Bucket list, here I come.
- I need to enjoy the time I have left with loved ones and make it count.
I'm sorry to hear this OP.
Think of things that only you know he loves. Stupid movies, nudie mags, scotch, Dave Matthews Band records. Buy him all that shit
Foundation medicine | a world-leading molecular insights company.
I'm so sorry to hear this news 😔
SF HAWKEYE said: I told him anything he wants and its done. He replied "Welll there is one thing.....I want you and Mrs. SFHawkeye to watch me rub one out." So he still has his sense of humor. Click to expand...
I really like the suggestion of asking what I can do for you or offering to knock something off the bucket list with him. I'm so sorry for you and for his family. Watching cancer take someone you love is the worst kind of pain.
Jimmy Carter’s Presidency Was Not What You Think
- Feb 21, 2023
House Speaker McCarthy gives Tucker Carlson exclusive access to Jan. 6 riot footage
Man tells police he beheaded handyman, left remains in Brookland yard
- Feb 17, 2023
Two years after Jan. 6, Trump is still promoting violent rhetoric
- Feb 2, 2023
Need some scam education
- Feb 19, 2023
- Latest: joelbc1
- 56 minutes ago
- Latest: danny14
- Today at 12:04 AM
- Latest: GolfHacker1
- Yesterday at 10:09 PM
- Latest: KuwaitHawk
- Yesterday at 7:27 PM
- Latest: kg3
- Yesterday at 7:14 PM
She was given months to live after a diagnosis. She's determined to fight that timeline.
RICHMOND, Va. -- For 23 years, Christianah Njoku fought in the U.S. Military.
Immigrating from Nigeria at eight years old, she joined the Army with her sister after high school and dedicated more than two decades of her life to serving others.
More than three combat missions later, the Army veteran got married and gave birth to a baby boy.
"All this while I was serving, I put my life on hold. I had my son, that was during the COVID craziness. It wasn't my work, it was God's miracle and it worked out," Njoku said.
But after a visit to the doctor because of stomach pains in May 2022, the new mom learned she would be fighting a new battle.
"It is cancerous. But we don't know what kind of cancer is," Njoku said.
After months of testing, Njoku was diagnosed with Stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma cancer or cancer of the bile duct.
She was given just a few months to live.
"And at the end of it, all they came and said, you have the rarest form of cancer that has metastasized into your liver and is going really fast," Njoku said.
It's a rarity that Dr. Khalid Matin with the VCU Massey Cancer Center said is becoming more common.
"Cancer of the bile ducts. The bile ducts start in the liver and kind of branch out from there and then join up near the gallbladder. We are seeing, unfortunately, a rise in incidence," Matin said.
Even with chemotherapy treatment, Njoku said she was told it would only extend her life for four to six months.
"This cancer, you know, it's not death for me. I have a three-year-old to take care of, I have a new husband," Njoku said.
Determined to live, Njoku searched for other treatment methods and was led to an immunotherapy clinic in Texas, a treatment her insurance doesn't cover.
She said her family has had to sell what they can to start the treatment as each session costs around $17,000.
"Since this journey started, even my husband has basically sold his truck," Njoku said.
Dr. Matin said treatments like the one that Njoku is undergoing are worth exploring in situations like this.
"It's always important to, you know, make sure you seek out a medical opinion, look at all your options. Ask about clinical trials, because there's new and novel therapies always coming around," Matin said.
Already envisioning her time in remission, Njoku said she is looking forward to the time she will spend with her son as her fight against cancer is a battle she intends to win.
"I don't know, I have such a strong will to live that I'm not scared of people telling me I'm going to die. Because I claim life," Njoku said.
Njoku's friends and family have raised enough money to cover the first treatment but money continues to be raised to help cover treatment for the next few months. If you would like to donate to her treatments, click here.
Sign up for the Headlines Newsletter and receive up to date information.
Now signed up to receive the headlines newsletter..
Contact the CBS 6 Problem Solvers
6 Ways to Live as If You Have 6 Months Left to Live
A couple weeks ago I was listening to my teacher, Wayne Dyer , in the car as usual. I was stuck in traffic, headed to Equinox to teach some yoga .
Then he said something I didn't expect: He said we should live our lives as if we have six months left to live. I immediately felt better in my gridlock. Hey traffic, you don't bother me anymore; screw you!
I am not trying to be Debbie Downer here or Mrs. Morbid. It's not a death sentence I am suggesting. It's your life sentence, your dharma . Wake up!
Dr. Dyer said that six months is a good time frame to work with, because at the end of life many have said that the whole thing feels like it was six months…or the blink of an eye. How would you live? What would you do? Who would you be?
Here are some suggestions for living your life as if you only had six months left:
- Stop caring so much what other people think. You know what Eleanor Roosevelt says: “You wouldn't worry what others think about you when you realize how seldom they actually do.”
- Be fearless.
- Finish the book you're writing, or the project, or the whatever it is. At least start it! Start it! Go. Now!
- Tell everyone you love how much you love them. Every day. A hundred times a day maybe. Kiss more.
- Never feel guilt again.
- Stop beating yourself up. There's no time for it. The clock is ticking.
Say this out loud: I am taking this bull by the horns. Game on! This is not a suggestion that you live without consequence, but rather with intention , with love, and with passion. Do what makes you thrive, what inspires you, what makes you come alive!
If we had only six months left:
- We wouldn't give a flying hoot what anyone thought anymore.
- We would be totally self-expressed.
- We would do what felt good and right in our bodies. We would sleep an extra hour and play hookie from work. We would be present.
- Curse more. (If you feel like it.)
- Don't take sh*t anymore!
This exercise can easily slip into cliche. Avoid that trap. Stop what you are doing right now. Think truthfully about the answer—or answers.
Maybe you wouldn't do a damn thing differently. If this is the case, can we please go out for a glass of wine tomorrow night? You know where to find me. I want to surround myself with people who are living this way. Alive and on purpose.
In the comment section below share who you would be, what you would do, how you would live. But, more importantly, go out and live. Enjoy every moment, and laugh more (especially at yourself).
Jen is a self-described Rule-Breaker, Shame-Buster, BeautyHunter, LipReader, WayMaker, TruthTeller, and Bullshit-Eliminator. She travels the world with her unique workshop “The Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human,” a hybrid of yoga, writing, sharing out loud, and the occasional dance party. She has been featured on Good Morning America , New York Magazine , and CBS News among others. She leads annual retreats to Italy and California as well as many other places which combine writing and yoga, sharing out loud and fierce listening. When she is not traveling she is based in Los Angeles where she lives with her husband and soon, her new baby boy. When she is not pregnant you can find her sipping a nice pinot noir. She is deaf as a post and she enjoys laughing at herself, most of the time. You’re most likely to find her these days eating a brownie or on Instagram at @jenpastiloff. She is also the founder of the empowerment project for young women called Girl Power: You Are Enough. Upcoming workshops and retreats in NYC, Dallas, Seattle, Kripalu in Massachusetts, Atlanta, Portland and of course, Italy September of 2016. Email [email protected] or visit http://themanifeststation.net/events/ .
Get the Reddit app
r/ScaryStories is a subreddit for original short horror fiction.
I was given six months to live. Now my time is almost up - Part 3
I was stunned by what my sister had just told me. She had said and done some stupid things in the time that I had known her--sleeping with my wife, for example, was not her best moment--but the last words out of her mouth were quite possibly the dumbest I had ever heard.
“You’re what ?!” I exclaimed.
She shrugged helplessly. “I’m going to become a prophet. There’s no other way.”
“So that’s it? You’re just giving up? All of the work you put in trying to stop it was a waste of time? You pulled me into this for no reason? Do you realize what you’re saying right now?” I demanded, my anger growing.
“Would you just shut up and let me explain?” She replied.
I threw up my hands. “Fine. Tell me this brilliant plan of yours.”
“When I complete the ritual to become a prophet, I will gain ‘arcane knowledge,’ as Bo refers to it. I will learn things from OullGhugl that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend now. And--”
“And he will do the same with you,” I interrupted. “He’s going to see all of your thoughts and feelings and memories, Olivia, including those of me. Don’t you think that’s going to be a problem? How do you even know he’ll accept you as a prophet after her learns what you’ve been trying to do? This sounds like a really good way to get yourself killed.”
“Bo says he doesn’t think that will happen,” she assured me. “He says that once OullGhugl picks a prophet, he’s pretty set in keeping them. It’s not quite the same as just becoming a disciple. He also says that none of my ‘treasonous’ thoughts will matter then, anyway, although he couldn’t really explain that any further...”
“How could Bo possibly know that? I don’t think I’d trust him for a minute. And even if that’s the case, then where does that leave me? OullGhugl finds out about me and comes by for a snack, right? I’m screwed either way.”
“I mean isn’t that why you were drinking yourself to death these past few months, anyway? I don’t see how that changes things for you one way or the other, at this point.”
I blew up at her. “Because the only reason I’m in this mess to begin with was because you wanted me to stop you from becoming a prophet! If you just give up and let Ol’ GooGoo take you, then all you did was sleep with my wife, ruin everything I’d built for myself, and then let me die.”
“You’re being unreasonable,” she countered angrily. “You’re not even giving me a chance to explain why I’m doing this. Do you think this is what I wanted? It’s the only way, Mark. It’s the only way I can save you.”
“Oh, so suddenly it’s about me? Come on, Olivia. You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met. Every single thing you’ve done has been for you. I’m supposed to believe this is some sort of heroic sacrifice?” I shouted at her.
She pressed her lips together. “Maybe this was a mistake. I should’ve left you alone.”
She rose and made her way towards the door, and I stared after her, seething. She didn’t care about me. She didn’t care about anyone but herself, and the fact that she framed it as if she was trying to help me was infuriating. Why should I believe that she wanted to save me? If she had cared at all about me, she never would have dragged me into this mess to begin with.
She got to the door and suddenly stopped, her hand on the knob. She turned around and looked at me defiantly. “Actually, you know what? No. I’m not going to leave this time. This is bigger than me, and I am not going to give up that easily.”
I jumped to my feet and opened my mouth again, ready to yell at her to get out and leave me alone, but she suddenly rushed across the room and slammed her palms against my chest, knocking me off balance and back onto the sofa.
“No, Mark,” she said sternly. “You’re not going to intimidate me. You’re going to sit down, shut up, and let me tell you what my plan is. You’re right, I am selfish, but so what? Everyone is. Why wouldn’t I want to live my life with the woman I love instead of serving an ancient monster who doesn’t even care if humanity as a whole lives or dies? But it’s not just about me, Mark, because that ancient monster doesn’t care if humanity lives or dies. And nobody in all the Four Families in one hundred years has stopped and thought that, maybe, just maybe, a cushy life of wealth and success wasn’t worth potentially damning the entire human race? Nobody else has put the fate of the rest of the world over their own self-interest, but somehow I’m the selfish one?
“I’m not doing this for myself anymore, Mark. Not for me, not for Bianca, not for you. I’m doing this for the world . OullGhughl needs to be put down, and the only way for that to happen is for me to become a prophet. Because when I become a prophet, maybe then I’ll know where you have to go and what you have to say. And then we can stop him. So maybe this is a ‘heroic sacrifice.’ Maybe I’m just doing this to ease my guilt, or for karma, or whatever you want to say. But so what? What matters is that it needs to be done, and this is the only way.”
I sat, dumbfounded, as she stood over me, breathing hard and daring me to argue with her. I realized that there was nothing I could say now. My anger had been replaced with shock and resignation, because regardless of my feelings, I knew she was right. Despite how much I wished that I wasn’t involved, I knew that there was no way for me to escape this. Call it fate, destiny, whatever, but all that really mattered was that it was true.
“Okay,” I said finally, and she visibly relaxed.
“Okay?” She repeated.
I shrugged. “I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think it’s stupid that you’re going to put yourself in such a dangerous position and risk everything like that.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but I went on. “But it’s the only way, and if there’s even a chance that it will work, it’s what we have to do. Because you’re right--this is bigger than just you or me. And maybe I’ll die, or maybe you will, or maybe we both will. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? We have to do this, don’t we?”
She sat next to me and nodded. “Yes, Mark, we have to do this.”
I ran my hand through my hair and looked at her. I still hated her, or at least wanted to, for what she had done to my marriage, but at the same time, I found myself forgiving her without even trying. After all, she was my sister, and it looked like we were in this together whether we liked it or not.
I took her hand in mine. “Then let’s do it. Let’s take out Ol’ GooGoo .”
More posts you may like
- Scottish Sun
- Women’s Health
- Men’s Health
- Mental Health
- Diet & Fitness
- Health News
I was given six months to live with inoperable cancer – but I’ve survived by switching my diet
- Jacob Bentley-York
- Published : 18:27 ET, Mar 1 2022
- Updated : 8:59 ET, Mar 2 2022
A MAN who was given six months to live with an inoperable form of cancer claims he is alive today due to a low-carb keto diet.
Pablo Kelly decided to reject traditional and recommended treatments in favour of a meat and fat heavy diet after he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.
The dad, from Plymouth , first noticed something was wrong when he began to suffer headaches.
Then, after trying to ignore the pain, Pablo suffered a seizure at work before being rushed to hospital.
After medical staff revealed his tragic diagnosis in 2014, he was advised to start treating his cancer with radiology as soon as possible.
However, amid preparations that involved shaving his head and beard, he says he realised that he couldn’t go through with it.
He told Plymouth Live : “They were going to measure me to the machine for the radiotherapy and in the pit of my stomach I felt a very negative impulse.
“I just thought I can’t do this and decided I needed to speak to the oncologist.”
Most read in Health News
Mystery as more than 300 people struck by unknown illness in tourist spot
Warning to anyone who’s had Covid over nasty side effects - are you at risk?
I’m a tattoo artist - here’s the most gruesome and dangerous places to get inked
Catching common bug as child could boost risk of deadly complication years later
He was told he would live another 12 to 13 months and without medical intervention would die a lot sooner.
But he decided to turn recommended treatment down and take an alternative approach.
The dad of two claims his diet, which involves little to no carbs, shrank the tumour after doctors said it was inoperable.
They were then able to operate and remove the smaller tumour.
He said: "Essentially from my understanding of it, over the course from 2014 being on the diet helped keep the tumour at bay.
“It changed shape and made it more accessible for surgeons."
The keto diet, made popular by fitness influencers, has been proven to assist in weight loss .
It is not a medically recommended diet for prevention or treatment of cancer, but a few studies have suggested it could help in treating some tumours.
This is because it could slow the growth, protect healthy cells, ease inflammation or help anti-cancer drugs work better.
But only a few studies have been done and clinical data to fully back up the theories are still lacking.
Martin Ledwick, Cancer Research UK’s head information nurse, said: “There is no definitive scientific evidence that following a ketogenic (very low-carb) treats cancer or lowers people’s risk of cancer.
“Early preclinical trials are underway to investigate how ketogenic diets can affect cancer risk, but much more research is needed. The best way to reduce your risk of cancer is to maintain a balanced, healthy diet and anyone considering unproven treatments should talk these through carefully with their doctor.”
Pablo underwent two painstaking craniotomies in which he was required to stay awake.
It was conducted this way to avoid causing damage to his brain during the removal of his tumour.
He maintains it was a “very scary and weird experience”.
Pablo is now in recovery after temporarily losing the use of his left arm and has admitted that his "brain isn't what it used to be".
Despite Pablo's miracle story, It is always recommended that people suffering from cancer listen to the advice of medical professionals.
The dad added: "If I'm going to die anyway... I'm going to choose something else.
"I just went with my gut instinct and that's kept me going ever since."
He feared becoming infertile from his condition and treatment, but Pablo now has two healthy kids.
Pablo's eldest child has just started nursery and his youngest will turn one this summer.
However, despite continuing to live with his illness he has continued to promote his alternative methods online.
Read More on The US Sun
Dylan Rounds’ dad reveals son's 'killer's' possible motive after murder charge
Europe's biggest nuke plant offline as Putin launches Ukraine missile barrage
He added: "For anyone who is going through the same as me, just going through a diagnosis the best thing you can do is ask about quality of life and quantity of life.
"You should ask about how it will affect you and your family, and how you can achieve a normal way of living with this horrible, horrible disease.”
- Cancer (disease)
Together we will beat cancer
- Breast cancer
- Bowel cancer
- Lung cancer
- Prostate cancer
Cancers in general
- Clinical trials
Causes of cancer
Coping with cancer
- Managing symptoms and side effects
- Mental health and cancer
- Money and travel
- Death and dying
- Cancer Chat forum
- Cancer Statistics
- Cancer Screening
- Learning and Support
- NICE suspected cancer referral guidelines
- Make a donation
By cancer type
- Leave a legacy gift
- Donate in Memory
Find an event
- Race for Life
- Charity runs
- Charity walks
- Search events
- Relay For Life
- Volunteer in our shops
- Help at an event
- Help us raise money
- Campaign for us
Do your own fundraising
- Fundraising ideas
- Get a fundraising pack
- Return fundraising money
- Fundraise by cancer type
- Set up a Cancer Research UK Giving Page
- Find a shop or superstore
- Become a partner
- Cancer Research UK for Children & Young People
- Our Play Your Part campaign
- Brain tumours
- Skin cancer
- All cancer types
By cancer topic
- New treatments
- Cancer biology
- Cancer drugs
- All cancer subjects
- All locations
- Professor Duncan Baird
- Professor Fran Balkwill
- Professor Andrew Biankin
- See all researchers
- Our achievements timeline
- Our research strategy
- Involving animals in research
Funding for researchers
- For discovery researchers
- For clinical researchers
- For population researchers
- In drug discovery & development
- In early detection & diagnosis
- For students & postdocs
Our funding schemes
- Career Development Fellowship
- Discovery Programme Awards
- Clinical Trial Award
- Biology to Prevention Award
- View all schemes and deadlines
Applying for funding
- Start your application online
- How to make a successful application
- Funding committees
- Successful applicant case studies
How we deliver research
- Our research infrastructure
- Events and conferences
- Our research partnerships
- Facts & figures about our funding
- Develop your research career
- Recently funded awards
- Manage your research grant
- Notify us of new publications
Find a shop
- Volunteer in a shop
- Donate goods to a shop
- Our superstores
- Wedding favours
- Cancer Care
- Flower Shop
Our eBay store
- Shoes and boots
- Bags and purses
- We beat cancer
- We fundraise
- We develop policy
- Our global role
- Our strategy
- Our Trustees
- CEO and Executive Board
- How we spend your money
- Early careers
- Your development
- Press office
- Update your contact preferences
NEWS & RESOURCES
FUNDING & RESEARCH
You are here
- About Cancer
- Cancer Chat
- Post A Discussion
- Caring for someone with cancer
Father given 6-12 months to live
- Username or email address * Do you have a cancer chat password? * Forgotten password Yes, I have a password Your password * No, I haven’t registered yet – register now Remember me Sign in Your email address * Choose a username * * To protect your identity do not use your full name. Choose a password * I would be happy to receive news and updates from Cancer Chat By creating an account I accept Cancer Chat Terms & Conditions . Create new account Leave this field blank
Register to post
Sign in to post.
- Create new account
- Request new password
7 posts since
26 Jul 2016
Hey everyone, I just found this place after doing some google searches. I am in need of some support/advice as my father was given 6-12 months last night. Ill try to keep this short, as there are obviously a lot of details to a story like this, and I dont have all of them myself. I am 26 and he is 61.
He was diagnosed with bladder cancer July 2015, at which point the doctors said it was treateable and could be operated on. He responded to chemo, and had his bladder removed in December. Since then he has been told he was cancer free. However, he was having issues with his kidneys since the operation.
The kidneys havent been functioning well since December. He has had a number of operations placing and removing stents, but I dont believe his life was in immediate danger because of it. Unfortunately he took a sharp nosedive these past two weeks, He hasnt been able to eat, his breathing has been getting shallow and its difficult for him to speak, and he is down to skin and bones. He went to the hostpital 2 days ago and they ran some tests. Last night the oncologist told us that he now has cancer in his lungs, lymph nodes, and liver. Operating is not an option, and with chemo he could live 6-12 months.
The family is in shock, and I think he is in denial. He didnt say much last night, and mentioned the possibility of getting a second opinion, or the tests results being a mistake, which certainly doesnt seem possible. It didnt hit me until I got home and saw pictures of me as a boy with him. I broke down and chugged all the alcohol I could find in the house and began my internet search that has led me here.
This really sucks and I dont know how to begin helping him.
- Report this post
22 posts since
Sorry about your mom. How old?
Thanks for the resonses. My mom is also 57 but fortunately in good health physically.
He is not coping well. He couldnt focus on a movie if we tried. The hospital social worker and pain management chair came in to his room today to discuss hospice options and I dont think he knew what was happening. He kept saying he wants to wait on hospice in case he isnt dying but the cancer is everywhere. By the end of the day he started freaking out saying things like "oh my god im gonna die ahhh!" "theyre gonna burn me early". And begging the doctor for help.
Its absolutely brutal.
My mom, sister and brother in law are around. I dont have a gf. Dating is impossible when you are a 26 year old man with acne and acne scars. Friends all ditched me when my skin got bad. My life sucks. I want to end it. Its going nowhere.
Thank you again for responding. I am just sort of venting here. I really dont know what to do,
He could barely speak today but when he was awake he seemed to hear and understand. The end is definitely near.
Ive been feeling so guilty for all the stupid fights we had. I wish he really had another 6 months so I could show him how much I really love him. ****.
I live near Philadelphia.
18 posts since
14 Mar 2015
So sorry to hear of your loss, things will be very raw right now, and surreal, let it run, but also try to fend off any negative thoughts of what couldve been. You, your mum and sister will need each other.
Remember to look after yourself and when ready talk it through with mum and sis. Things will get easier with time eventually.
My thoughts are with you.
11 posts since
25 Jul 2016
Hey, I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I lost my dad to oesophageal cancer last Sunday so I can understand how you're feeling right now. If you ever want to vent to somebody who is experiencing the same stuff then please do message me. I can't offer any words to ease the pain you're feeling but sometimes just knowing you're not alone in how you're feeling can help a little xxx
Thanks for the support. The wake was last night and the funeral was today. The turnout was huge and everyone was very thoughtful.
On the way to the cemetary in the funeral procession, an older man driving a mustang convertable cut me off in to the procession line. I honked my horn and tried to wave him aside. He laughed, puffed his cigar, and gave me the finger. What a disgrace. It was like oh back to reality, this is how people are when they arent grieving.
Recent discussions in Caring for someone with cancer
- Australia edition
- International edition
Why doctors get it wrong about when you will die
Doctors use data and experience to give their best prognoses for fatal illnesses – but patients can live for months or even years. Here, a consultant explains why
A blind teenager with a brain tumour is at the centre of a UK court case that pits the hopes of his parents against medical opinion .
In February, doctors argued that the 18-year-old had no more than two weeks to live and that active treatment including chemotherapy and brain surgery would be futile. If his heart were to stop beating, he should not be resuscitated.
The high court authorised the unnamed hospital trust to discontinue treatment against his parents’ wishes. But the teenager is still alive, more than three months later. His mother says: “I am fighting for my child’s life. He is a sick child, but he is coping. He is not dying.”
It’s difficult to predict exactly when a patient is going to die, or, sometimes, if they are going to die at all.
The convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi , diagnosed with prostate cancer, was freed on compassionate grounds after doctors predicted he had less than three months to live. Megrahi died two years and nine months after his release.
One of the largest reviews, published in the British Medical Journal, systematically reviewed survival predictions in terminally ill patients with cancer. Eight studies were analysed in three countries over 30 years.
Overall, doctors’ predictions were correct to within one week in 25% of cases, correct to within two weeks in 43%, and correct to within four weeks in 61%. The study found that doctors tended to overestimate survival.
The very measure of a doctor lies in their predictive abilities, their grasp of the crystal ball: “How long have I got, doctor?” The Corpus Hippocratum of early Greek medicine underlined just that: “I hold that it is an excellent thing for a doctor to practise forecasting. For indeed, if he discover and declare unaided by the side of his patients their present, past and future circumstances, he will be able to inspire greater confidence that he knows about illness, and thus people will decide to put themselves in his care.”
Why is it so difficult to prognosticate?
Every patient is different, every disorder is different, every disorder within a disorder is different. People are unpredictable, their illness even more so. But there exist other subtleties that are harder to admit to.
In my first week as an intern, I spoke to the family of an 85-year-old patient, Nora. She lay gasping, racked by sepsis, her skin bruised from intravenous drips, her legs swollen from heart failure, her consciousness clouded from all of it.
“How long has she got, doctor?”
“We’ll be lucky if she’s here in the morning,” I replied.
We were indeed lucky the next morning. We were also lucky for the next week and the month after that, at which point Nora went home, happy and healthy.
It takes experience to know that sometimes you don’t know.
Assuming the diagnosis is right in the first place, prognostication is further complicated by medical advances – the very advances designed to improve prognosis. Algorithms used following cardiac arrest are no longer universally valid. Walk into an intensive-care unit and you might see a comatose patient swaddled in cooling blankets, surrounded by ice packs, a drip running cold fluids through their veins. Therapeutic hypothermia aims to protect the brain from a lack of blood flow. Before this technique, neurologists could start to ascertain prognosis in a comatose patient even by day three. Watch if the pupil dilates with light, see if the eye blinks as a wisp of cotton wool touches the cornea. But for comatose patients who have been rendered hypothermic, everything changes. Dropping core temperature by just five degrees entirely alters the brain’s reaction to these tests. The old algorithm falls apart. A new one takes its place. Don’t pull the plug.
Surgeon and author Dr Atul Gawande writes about how even the duration of dying has changed: “As for last words, they hardly seem to exist any more. Technology sustains our organs until we are well past the point of awareness and coherence. Besides, how do you attend to the thoughts and concerns of the dying when medicine has made it almost impossible to be sure who the dying even are? Is someone with terminal cancer, dementia, incurable congestive heart failure dying, exactly?”
Professor Dominic Wilkinson, director of medical ethics and consultant neonatologist at the University of Oxford, offers an example of patients who seemingly defy the odds: “Imagine a doctor estimates that there is a 99% chance that a patient will die within a short period of time. The patient returns some time later – still very much alive – and says to the doctor: ‘You were wrong.’”
Wilkinson says to look beyond the 99%. “Based on the doctor’s prediction, we would expect one out of 100 patients to survive for longer. Even if there is only a one-in-a-million chance of prolonged survival, there will still be very occasional patients who live longer. Those patients have not ‘defied predictions’ – they are exactly what was predicted.”
Stephen Jay Gould, himself a scientist, was diagnosed with an abdominal mesothelioma at the age of 40. He faced a median survival of eight months.
But then Gould looked at the word “median” and looked again. This did not simply mean he probably had eight months left to live. No, it meant 50% of patients might live longer than eight months. Mesothelioma statistics vary from many other types of cancer. Whilst most patients do have a life expectancy close to the median, a very small number do far better. Could he be one of them? In an essay titled The Median Isn’t the Message, he wrote : “I looked at the mesothelioma statistics quite differently – and not only because I am an optimist who tends to see the doughnut instead of the hole, but primarily because I know that variation itself is the reality. I had to place myself amidst the variation.”
Gould was able to place himself as someone who might survive for a reasonable amount of time because all the features of his specific presentation (his symptoms, his investigation results) suggested that was the case. He went on to have surgery and experimental chemotherapy. He died 20 years later from lung cancer, unrelated to his original mesothelioma.
Not all survival curves for cancer look like the one for mesothelioma. But there are always outliers who are said to have beaten the odds when really there was a small chance of survival all along.
Science writer Penny Sarchet , in a Wellcome award-winning essay , begins by asking if just telling a man he has cancer can kill him? In 1992, the Southern Medical Journal described a case of a man diagnosed with liver cancer and given just months to live. After his death, an autopsy showed that his tumour had not grown or spread. His doctor wrote: “Could it be that, instead of the cancer, it was his expectation of death that killed him?”
It’s a fascinating question. How can we work fighting spirit into our prognostic algorithms. Is it our inability to do so that makes us poor forecasters?
In AD200, Galen hypothesised that melancholic women were predisposed to breast cancer and, in 2003, depression was reported to predict mortality in heart disease . Of course, someone with depression might be less likely to engage with treatment, or to address risk factors such smoking or lack of exercise.
But studies linking psychological state to prognosis are fraught with methodological issues, false-positive results, reporting of associations rather than causality, and manipulation of statistics.
Having a positive attitude convincingly helps quality of life and resilience in chronic illness. The power of those pink wristbands, the spirit of Movember, the support groups fuelled by coffee or soaked in wine – these are not to be underestimated. But the effect of positive attitude on fortitude has sadly been extrapolated to survival.
Among others, a 2007 study of more than 1,000 patients with cancer showed no impact of emotional wellbeing on survival . The author, James Coyne, later wrote : “We urge positive psychologists to rededicate themselves to a positive psychology based on scientific evidence rather than wishful thinking.”
Psychologists from the University of British Columbia also did not hold back : “It has become accepted in popular culture that cancer patients need to maintain a positive attitude to heroically defeat cancer. [The] magnitude of the effect of depression on mortality does not seem to warrant the assignment of responsibility and blame to cancer patients.”
The impacts of over- or underprognostication are all too clear: the parliamentary and health service ombudsman has reported that “too many people are dying without dignity”.
Failure to recognise that the end might be near can lead to patients being denied palliative care, denied a compassionate end, denied the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones.
Conversely, delivering an unnecessarily grim prognosis (or, at least, not thinking beyond the median) could result in patients not receiving ongoing treatment that could prolong their survival.
When Stephen Jay Gould looked at that survival curve, his world shifted: “I had obtained, in all probability, the most precious of all possible gifts in the circumstances – substantial time. I didn’t have to stop and immediately follow Isaiah’s injunction to Hezekiah: ‘Set thine house in order for thou shalt die, and not live.’ I would have time to think, to plan, and to fight.”
Professor Jane Plant, emeritus professor of applied geochemistry at Imperial College London, underwent several operations, 35 sessions of radiotherapy treatments and multiple rounds of chemotherapy, but in 1993 her breast cancer returned for the fifth time. She had two young children and needed to know what lay ahead. The first doctor she spoke to was circumspect about her chances but another speculated that she could have only a few months left.
She is still alive more than 20 years later and attributes her survival to an integrated approach that combined conventional chemotherapy and an overhaul of her diet. How does she feel about the doctor who said she had months to live? “I feel no bitterness,” she says. “Doctors give us time frames so that we can put our affairs in order. That doctor was just trying to be kind.”
The Megrahi case highlights consequences that sweep their way far beyond the family circle. Professor Karol Sikora had been director of cancer services at Hammersmith hospital in the early 1990s and chief of the World Health Organisation’s cancer programme later that decade. He was asked by the Libyan Ambassador in London to assess Megrahi ahead of an appeal for release.
Sikora concluded that Megrahi would likely die within three months. The Scottish government denied that evidence from three doctors paid by the Libyan government (including Sikora) influenced its decision. But their evidence was shared with the Greenock prison doctor who submitted the final report.
The prediction made headlines. Speaking to the Observer in 2010, Sikora said : “What I find difficult is the idea I took the key and let him out. I provided an opinion, others provided an opinion, and someone else let him out. That decision of compassionate release is nothing to do with me. No one asked me: ‘Should we let him out?’ All they said was when do you think he will die?”
Sikora now attributes Megrahi’s survival to his subsequent treatment: “[Megrahi] had everything including several expensive drugs still not available in the NHS when he was released back to Tripoli.” Abiraterone, a drug Megrahi received in the Libyan capital, has since been made available on the NHS for men with advanced prostate cancer.
Sikora wrote in 2012 : “I feel very sorry for any distress the role of the various doctors’ opinions, including mine, may have caused to the families of the victims of the Lockerbie bombing. Maybe now, 23 years on, they can close a very painful and emotionally fraught chapter in their lives.”
Has the Megrahi experience changed how Sikora prognosticates, or, indeed, how he delivers that prognosis. “Absolutely. I’ve had people living with metastatic cancer for many years. I am much more cautious now.”
Meanwhile, an 18-year-old with a brain tumour is alive longer than expected, his prognosis deemed futile. Could he have had chemotherapy, surgery, experimental drugs in the past three months? Or has he been spared the potential burden, harm and indignity of aggressive and needless interventions.
His mother’s words are heartbreaking: “Give him a chance. Maybe chemo will work. If [he] goes, he goes. But he may not. He may have months to live. [He] may not be able to do martial arts but he talks, he walks. He is a pleasure to be with. He is a miracle child and has survived things you thought he would not. He deserves a chance.”
His case will now go through the court of protection. Complex questions will be asked and hopefully answered. His story will go beyond the binary, outside the algorithms, away from the median. Increasingly, we know what we don’t know.
- Jules Montague is a consultant neurologist at the Royal Free London NHS Foundation Trust, and an honorary consultant neurologist at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery, Queen Square.
- Health & wellbeing
- Death and dying
- Palliative Care
What to Expect When Your Loved One Is Dying
Each person's journey to death is unique. Some people have a very gradual decline; others will fade quickly.
As death approaches, your role is to be present, provide comfort, and reassure your loved one with soothing words and actions that help maintain their comfort and dignity.
When your loved one's health care team recognizes that they are likely within 6 months of dying, they may recommend switching to hospice , a more specialized care for people with a terminal illness who are expected to die.
Your loved one will still get treatment for pain relief and comfort, but hospice also offers emotional and spiritual support for them as well as you and close family.
Signs That Death Is Near
There are changes you can expect to see as an adult body stops working. These are a normal part of dying.
Children and teens have a similar process, but it can be harder to predict. They often stay fairly active and continue to ask a lot of tough-to-answer questions.
1 to 3 months before death , your loved one is likely to:
- Sleep or doze more
- Eat and drink less
- Withdraw from people and stop doing things they used to enjoy
- Talk less (but if they're a child, more)
1 to 2 weeks before death , the person may feel tired and drained all the time, so much that they don't leave their bed. They could have:
- Different sleep-wake patterns
- Little appetite and thirst
- Fewer and smaller bowel movements and less pee
- Changes in blood pressure , breathing, and heart rate
- Body temperature ups and downs that may leave their skin cool, warm, moist, or pale
- Congested breathing from the buildup in the back of their throat
- Confusion or seem to be in a daze
Breathing trouble can be distressing for family members, but often it isn't painful and can be managed. Pain can be treated, too. But your loved one may have a hard time taking medicine by mouth.
Hallucinations and visions, especially of long-gone loved ones, can be comforting. If seeing and talking to someone who isn't there makes the person who's dying happier, you don't need to try to convince them that they aren't real. It may upset them and make them argue and fight with you.
When death is within days or hours , your loved one may:
- Not want food or drink
- Stop peeing and having bowel movements
- Grimace, groan, or scowl from pain
You may notice their:
- Eyes tear or glaze over
- Pulse and heartbeat are irregular or hard to feel or hear
- Body temperature drops
- Skin on their knees, feet, and hands turns a mottled bluish-purple (often in the last 24 hours)
- Breathing is interrupted by gasping and slows until it stops entirely
If they're not already unconscious, your loved one may drift in and out. But they probably can still hear and feel.
In the last days or hours, your loved one may become restless and confused and have hallucinations so upsetting they may cry out, strike out, or try to climb out of bed. Stay with them. Try to keep them calm with soothing music and gentle touch. Sometimes medication helps.
The room should be well lit, but not bright. Make it as quiet and peaceful as possible. Constantly assure them that you're there.
Ironically, a loved one may also become clear-headed in their final hours.
When to Say Good-bye
One of the hardest decisions is when to call in people to say good-bye and to make memories for the future.
Let family members and close friends know as soon as it's obvious that death is near. The care team can help you all prepare for what's coming, both what will happen to your loved one and your own physical and emotional reactions. Being together allows family members to support each other, too.
Even though you've gathered, don't assume it means you'll be there at the end. Often the person doesn't die until those who sat with them for hours have left, as if they were unable to let go while the ones they loved were there.
Help and Support
Caregivers, families, and friends of someone who is dying can turn to:
- Family Caregiver Alliance
- Hospice Foundation of America
- National Caregivers Library
- National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization
Health Solutions from Our Sponsors
- Penis Curved When Erect?
- Could I have CAD?
- Treat Bent Fingers
- Treat HR+, HER2- MBC
- Tired of Dandruff?
- Benefits of CBD
- Rethink MS Treatment
- AFib-Related Strokes
- Risk of a Future DVT/PE
- Is My Penis Normal?
- Relapsing MS Options
- Liver Transplants Save Lives
- Finance Plastic Surgery
- Bent Finger Causes
- Living With Psoriasis?
- Missing Teeth?
More from WebMD
- 5 Tips to Help With Relapsing MS
- How to Thrive With Narcolepsy
- Relief for Blocked Hair Follicles
- Psoriatic Arthritis and Your Sleep
- What Psoriasis Feels Like
- First Psoriatic Arthritis Flare
- Talking to Your Doctor About RA
- Crohn's: A 'Full-Body' Disease
- Avoiding Crohn’s Flares
- Health Benefits of Hemp Seed Oil
- Live Better With Psoriatic Disease
- Types of B-Cell Therapy for MS
- 5 Health Benefits of Hemp
- Why Prostate Cancer Spreads
- Living with Advanced Breast Cancer
- Where Breast Cancer Spreads
Calm & Collected
What Would You Do if You Were Given 6 Months to Live?
Subject: What Would You Do if You Were Given 6 Months to Live?
Close your eyes and visualize you sitting across from a doctor.
The doctor just informed you that you will die in 6 months.
You accept the news and now have to accept the reality. You have 6 months to live.
No medicine will save you.
No praying is gonna alter your life.
You couldn’t even pay your way out of this.
Your only option is to either worry until you die or make this the best 6 months of your existence.
Up to this point your life has been average. You’ve made some decent money from your job.
You’ve got a girlfriend who loves you.
You have even taken a few road trips as well.
Otherwise you’ve let that hidden ambition inside of you stay inside. Because, well you had bills to pay and responsibilities to handle.
But now that you’ve got only 6 months to live, things are different. Those bills and responsibilities don’t seem so pressing anymore.
With only 6 months left to live, you’ve gotten a sense of clarity and energy unlike you’ve ever had before.
Which you can’t help but be pissed off about. Why couldn’t you have felt this way before?
You would’ve lived so much differently.
You would’ve focused on earning more money, instead of cutting out your $5 coffee before work.
You would’ve spent more time with your girlfriend, instead of telling her “baby I’ve gotta go to work, I can’t do anything on Monday” .
You would’ve went to Malaysia with your friend a few months ago, instead of telling him you didn’t have the time.
You would’ve quit your minimum wage job 2 years ago, and pursued something you actually enjoyed doing.
You would’ve stopped putting so much time into your video games and watching YouTube, and more time into enjoying yourself.
You would’ve stopped caring so much about what your family thought about you, and done that thing you’ve been wanting for a while.
You would’ve started working out harder so you looked great.
Instead of mindlessly eating and hardly putting in any effort at the gym.
I could go on and on, but you can already feel the mixture of sadness and anger.
There’s so much you could be doing right now.
Instead though, you think you’re gonna live forever and that you are the exception to the rule.
But I’m here to tell you something. You ain’t gonna live forever. Nature doesn’t care about you.
You can go walking to the mailbox, trip, and hit your head.
Or never wake up again tomorrow morning. However, understand the lesson of this article now while you’re full of life.
Use this lesson to liberate your mind from the bullshit you’ve been allowing to hold yourself back.
Because you’re not here forever….
Right this instant you’ve got energy inside of your brain and body. You’ve got money in your bank account.
And a head full of ideas.
What can you act on right now?
About Dylan Madden
My name is Dylan Madden. I write articles for the person looking for more out of life. Who knows they can be better, but needs a little guidance and motivation. I work online while traveling the world. And live a life where I can do do whatever I want. If that interests you, welcome to Calm and Collected.
4 comments add your comment
Strangely I asked this question to myself yesterday. I’ve realized that I would literally change nothing. Maybe I would hug my beloved ones more and tell them how much I love them. Maybe I would laugh more by not taking stuff too seriously. However, I would change nothing in terms of my general living concept. It’s refreshing to think about how short life is because it is actually short. I just let it go. Nothing is worth caring too much, nothing can be a huge deal. That’s the enjoyable part. As dead souls, we’ve got nothing to lose.
“As dead souls, we’ve got nothing to lose” well said my friend.
A question we all need to ask ourselves. I’ve had many near death experiences and it makes getting a job as – say – an accountant untenable. Life is short and nothing is guaranteed so I will do whatever it takes to live it to the fullest.
Yes bro and you’re getting better and better. Glad to see you here.
Leave a Comment Cancel
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed .
Previous Post: The Ultimate Guide on How to Stop Masturbating
Next Post: How to Stop Being a Nice Guy and Start Getting What You Want
Do You Sit Around Wanting More?
I save my best content for people on the Newsletter as I can speak my mind fully. If you're interested in building a skill that people will happily pay you thousands of dollars for, traveling the world, and getting ahead of the Recession? Grab my Freelancing Guide, and let's get to work.
There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.
Thanks for joining! Check your email to complete your subscription
Long-term study shows most prostate cancer patients don’t need aggressive treatment
By Karen Weintraub Dec. 12, 2018
N early 30 years after it began, a study of prostate cancer patients shows both that the disease will not cause harm to the majority of men who have it, and that aggressive treatment is warranted for men with an intermediate risk of spread.
The nuanced results come from a new update to a landmark study , published Wednesday in the New England Journal of Medicine, that has followed 695 Swedish men since they were diagnosed with localized prostate cancer between October 1989 and February 1999.
The study’s duration and insights into one of the most common forms of cancer make it “arguably one of the most important publications of the year,” said Dr. Adam Kibel, a professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School and chief of urology at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, who is not involved in the research.
Half of the men had their prostates removed to get rid of the cancer, and half were put on “watchful waiting,” a now-discredited approach that essentially amounted to doing nothing.
Today, roughly 20 percent of the men are still alive, although prostate cancer is generally diagnosed late in life. Of those who died, 70 percent died of something other than prostate cancer, the study found.
Related: 15 percent of men regret prostate cancer treatment choices years later, study finds
“Which really reminds us that we should try to treat only those who will benefit, who have a lethal disease and who are healthy enough to otherwise be able to die from prostate cancer,” said Dr. Anna Bill-Axelson, the study’s first author and an associate professor in urology at Uppsala University in Sweden.
Overtreatment is an issue because radical prostatectomy and similar therapies often cause side effects, Bill-Axelson said, most commonly erectile dysfunction and urinary leakage.
In Sweden today, 80 percent of men with newly diagnosed prostate cancer are not treated, but “actively surveilled,” to make sure their tumor is not becoming more dangerous, Bill-Axelson said. Active surveillance includes regular checkups, whereas with “ watchful waiting, ” follow-ups were often deferred until a man had symptoms. “The majority who are diagnosed today are diagnosed so early from PSA detection and also have usually low-risk disease. They will very likely be overtreated if they are treated immediately.”
Two American experts saw the study’s results differently: as further justification to treat intermediate prostate cancers as aggressively as possible.
The study’s take-home message is: “If you live a long time, you’re likely to live longer if you get treated than if you don’t,” according to Dr. Anthony D’Amico, chief of genitourinary radiation oncology at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and a professor at Harvard Medical School, both in Boston.
Related: A new study claims prostate cancer screenings significantly reduce deaths. Not everyone agrees
Men with a result of 7 on a test called the Gleason score, who are today considered at intermediate risk, should be treated, and should not wait to see if their tumors become more dangerous, D’Amico said.
“This study proves that if a man’s going to live 20-25 years and he’s got intermediate prostate cancer, he has an opportunity to save his life,” D’Amico said.
According to the study, those men who had a radical prostatectomy at the start of the study lived an average of 2.9 years longer than men who got no therapy. But that really means more men in the treatment group were able to live out their natural lives, while men who got watchful waiting died early, D’Amico said.
D’Amico also highlighted what he called “a pretty striking statistic”: that just eight men needed to undergo treatment to save one life, according to the study. For comparison, 233 women in their 60s would need to get a mammogram to prevent one of those woman from dying of breast cancer, according to a 2012 study .
Sign up for Morning Rounds
Your daily dose of news in health and medicine.
Kibel, the Brigham and Women’s urologist, said the Swedish study has been “central to our understanding of how we manage prostate cancer,” for decades, and confirms that many patients benefit from aggressive treatment.
The Swedish study was started so long ago that men didn’t routinely get PSA tests to diagnose prostate cancer, as they often do today. Routine PSA screening can overdiagnose cancers that won’t turn lethal. But combined with their Gleason score — and maybe someday with a diagnostic MRI — men should be able to figure out whether their cancer is advanced enough to warrant treatment, or to monitor it to make sure it isn’t turning more aggressive, Bill-Axelson said.
A man’s health and his disease risk — not his age — should be the determining factors in whether he should be treated for prostate cancer, Bill-Axelson said. When asked whether an 80-year-old should be treated, she said, only half-joking: “If he comes with his parents, it’s a good idea.”
About the Author Reprints
The BIG lie, “Prostate cancer screening and early detection saves men’s lives”. Let’s do the math: Per the USPSTF (a US government agency): “A small benefit and known harms from prostate cancer screening” and “Only one man in 1,000 could possibly have a life saving benefit from screening”. However about 1.3 to 3.5 deaths per 1,000 from prostate blind biopsies . Also 5 men in 1000 died and 20.4% had one or more complications within 30 days of a radical prostatectomy . This does not include deaths and injuries from other procedures, medical mistakes, increased suicide rate, ADT therapy complications, heart attracts, etc, caused by screening and treatments. Does prostate cancer screening put men’s health and lives in danger? YES! Early detection and treatment has killed or destroyed millions of men’s lives worldwide. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYii98gcejA https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/Page/Document/UpdateSummaryFinal/prostate-cancer-screening1 https://medium.com/@drsadeghi/early-detection-disaster-4d4740ee5828
My question is. My husband has aggressively prostate cancer and he isn’t going to do anything about it. How long will he survive. His number is a 8 and on the Gleeson score it’s a 4.
I was given a 10-day notice, and rushed into getting the Radical Prostatomy done by my urologist, Christopher Campbell Hoag who partners with other urologist in a clinic located in North Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. According to his diagnosis, I was given no more than 6 months , or as long as between 3 to 5 years to live because of my End Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. I was not allowed a second opinion because there was no time left due to the fact that my cancer had already metasitazied into distant organs and bones – but I had no symptoms, no pains or no blood in my urine or semen. I was stupid enough to buy into his diagnosis and planned treatment (I didn’t know that Radical Prostatomy was for localized cancer only, and not for curative purposes of metastasized cancer that had already spread). My life after the Radical Prostatomy has been a living hell – complete loss of interest in life due to urinary incontinence, impotence, and infertility. I just turned 50 when I underwent the infamous Radical prostatomy, and I am now 56. 6 years of living hell and still keep going. I think, no, I know, dying of prostate cancer is a hell of a lot easily than suffering from the unstoppable side effects of the treatment!
I am so tired of this prostate cancer diagnosis, When do I get a health team that can actually answer questions truthfully. I really have no will to go through the whole surgery/recovery only to hate my life more than I do now. I don’t know what to do or who to turn to, I have to get away from this anguish, self loathing, and basically feeling hopeless and apathetic.
“D’Amico also highlighted what he called “a pretty striking statistic”: that just eight men needed to undergo treatment to save one life, according to the study. For comparison, 233 women in their 60s would need to get a mammogram to prevent one of those woman from dying of breast cancer, according to a 2012 study.”
Mammogram is an inappropriate comparator for radical prostatectomy. One is a screening test with minimal side effects. The other is a procedure with the potential for impotence, incontinence and the usual risks of surgery (perioperative MI, infection, etc.). A better comparator would be lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy.
Regardless, the ultimate interpretation needs to be through the lens of the patient’s values. There is no simple answer.
I would say that radical prostatectomy is aggressive treatment and that anyone who is diagnosed with prostate should seriously consider it. Yes there are side effects noted in this article, but they are manageable. I know this first hand as I had my prostate removed 14 years ago and fortunately still have undetectable levels of prostate-specific antigen. Forgoing aggressive treatment is a form of gambling – how do you know when the cancer cells will migrate from the prostate and metastasize. Undertaking aggressive treatment is a difficult decision for a person to make, particularly younger people, but the risks in not undertaking this form of treatment can be devastating.
Did you know that 40% to 60% of patients who underwent early Radical Prostatomy are guaranteed to have Biochemical Recurrence by year 15? Then what would you do, go for adjuvant radiotherapy which no guaranteed result of extension, but guaranteed further side effects. I am glad that you are able to manage your urinary incontince, erectile dysfunctions, or dry orgasm and still be happy about your life – not many people have that strong encourage. Sometimes we should just let nature take its course. We all have to the once so why prolong the agony?
In my opinion: Read my story. A prostate cancer survival guide by a patient and victim. Beware, the ugly truth. What doctors are not telling you! Read the sad truth about prostate cancer over testing and treatment dangers and exploitation for profit by predatory doctors that no one will tell you about, even after it’s too late. The man that invented the PSA test, Dr. Richard Ablin now calls it: “The Great Prostate Mistake, Hoax and a Profit-Driven Public Health Disaster”. Prostate cancer dirty secrets, lies, exaggerations, deceptions, elder abuse, outdated testing and treatments. Any man over 50, anyone concerned about cancer in general, dangers from clinical trials, injuries and deaths from medical mistakes, should read this document. Read “A prostate cancer survival guide by a patient and victim, Beware, the ugly truth. Free information. Go to: http://www.yananow.org/display_story.php?id=1659
Treatment doesn’t save lives. At best, it postpones death by a year or two. A crappy year or two. Big whoop.
Henry, With all due respect your comment is absurd. Early detection and early treatment are the best ways to ensure a successful outcome with prostate cancer.
Henry, I’m with you. I was diagnosed through high PSA and the usual digit test. Because I saw a very good friend of mine go through the prostatectomy and radiation treatment, I took another route. My friend Vern, died a couple of years after his operation, from heart failure. But those two years after his operation were hell for him. He said that if he could go back in time he would never have gone the route he did. I also had a lady friend who was diagnosed with bone cancer and given 6 months to live. She went online and found that if she changed the Ph balance of her body to a more alkaline level, it could change her chances. That was 12 years ago and because she did not get ANY treatments from the doctor, and because she changed the Ph balance to a more alkaline level, the cancer was gone in a few short months. She cut out all, and I mean ALL sugar, and took a mixture of baking soda and maple syrup, daily for 2 months. I dated this lady and knew her intimately, so this is not 3rd hand info for me. She is alive and doing well. So I used the same method that she did and my PSA dropped dramatically and my issues with urinating ceased. In addition to the things that she did, the two things that I did that she didn’t, was to eat asparagus every day, and I also cut out simple carbs because they turn into sugar in the body. That was all 6 years ago. Today I am 65 and healthy.
I was given a 10-day notice, and rushed into getting the Radical Prostatomy done by my urologist, Christopher Campbell Hoag who partners with other urologists in a clinic located in North Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. According to his diagnosis, I was given no more than 6 months , or as long as between 3 to 5 years to live because of my End Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. I was not allowed a second opinion because there was no time left due to the fact that my cancer had already metasitazied into distant organs and bones – but I had no symptoms, no pains or no blood in my urine or semen. I was stupid enough to buy into his diagnosis and planned treatment (I didn’t know that Radical Prostatomy was for localized cancer only, and not for curative purposes of metastasized cancer that had already spread). My life after the Radical Prostatomy has been a living hell – complete loss of interest in life due to urinary incontinence, impotence, and infertility. I just turned 50 when I underwent the infamous Radical Prostatomy, and I am now 56. 6 years of living hell and still keep going. I think, no, I know, that dying of prostate cancer is a hell of a lot easily than suffering from the unstoppable side effects of the treatment!
I agree. And live a short and miserable life after treatment. We will all die anyway, have faith in God. He is in control of our lives.
Comments are closed.
How one medical school became remarkably diverse — without considering race in admissions
With CRISPR cures on horizon, sickle cell patients ask hard questions about who can access them
STAT Plus: New weight loss drugs are changing the narrative on obesity, with a push from pharma
STAT Plus: CRISPR patent fight redux? A new battle is brewing among biotechs over next-gen gene-editing tools
STAT Plus: How a depression test devised by a Zoloft marketer became a crutch for a failing mental health system
You've been selected! Subscribe to STAT+ for less than $2 per day
You've been selected! STAT+ for less than $2/day
Unlimited access to essential biotech, medicine, and life sciences journalism
Subscribe to STAT+ for less than $2 per day
Unlimited access to the health care news and insights you need
- Latest Headlines
- Weight Loss
The doctor told me I had just months to live
by NATASHA COURTENAY, Daily Mail
What would your dying wish be? Maria Derosa, a 41-year-old hospital administrator from Enfield, London, has been diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and has months left to live.
On Saturday, Maria married her partner of ten years, Jamie Nolan. All she wants now is to take her two sons, Jack, four, and Ben, 22 months, to Disneyworld in Florida.
She says: As I turned to Jamie and said 'I do', tears welled up in our eyes. In fact, most of the 200 friends and family who packed the church on Saturday afternoon couldn't help but shed a tear at the sight of Jamie and me tying the knot.
But they weren't tears of pure joy because, although my wedding day was one of the happiest of my life, it was tinged by a feeling of sadness. For I have terminal cancer, and have less than year to live.
We spent our honeymoon night in a plush suite at the Dorchester Hotel in London. It was absolutely fantastic and a real treat for me.
Jamie and I have promised ourselves that if I'm still here for our first wedding anniversary, we'll spend it at the Dorchester. But I'm all too aware of the fact that, unless a miracle happens, by this time next year Jamie will be a widower.
The nightmare had started three months earlier. I was chatting to my brother on the phone when I placed my hand on my hip and felt a lump the size of an egg. It wasn't painful but was fairly large and solid.
The possibility of cancer crossed my mind, but I was relieved when my GP said it was probably a cyst and booked me in for an ultrasound the following week. Then an appointment was made for me to have it removed.
But three days before the operation, I came home from a shopping trip and doubled over in agony. I was admitted to the North Middlesex Hospital as the doctors assumed the cyst had burst.
My operation took place the following morning. I spent a week recovering in hospital and the cyst was sent off for examination.
Within minutes of arriving home, I started vomiting and suffering from terrible stomach cramps. An hour later, I called for an ambulance. The doctors were sure I'd caught gastroenteritis and admitted me to an isolation ward.
Just before I was due to go home, the doctors suggested one final scan. I first had an inkling that something was seriously wrong when I jokingly asked the nurse doing the scan if she could see any buried treasure down there. She gave me a very strange look.
An hour later, my surgeon, came to see me with the results of the histology report - a microscopic study of the tissues - on the cyst and the results of the scan. She sat on my bedside, took my hand and said: 'I'm sorry, you have stage three ovarian cancer. And it has spread to your liver.'
All I could think about was seeing my family, but before I left hospital I was sent for a lumbar puncture, in which a large needle was pushed into my liver under local anaesthetic to collect fluid for diagnosis, and a full body CT scan to establish how far the cancer had spread.
Jamie rushed to the hospital to pick me up. I kept saying I'd fight it but we had no idea what 'stage three ovarian cancer' meant. Jamie looked it up on the internet and, afterwards, he looked terrible. He discovered that only one in four people survive for more than five years.
The next morning, the hospital told me the cancer had also spread to the lungs and the lymph glands, and I needed to start a 12-week chemotherapy course.
The treatment involved having chemotherapy drugs administered every three weeks for three months through a drip. The procedure didn't hurt but, afterwards, I suffered from terrible diarrhoea, cramps and nausea.
A couple of weeks later, my long hair started to fall out. I decided to shave it all off because I couldn't bear to see it gradually fall out. I told my son Jack I wanted a haircut-like Daddy's and he helped me shave it off using some clippers.
After six weeks of chemo, I was due to have a scan but two days before, I found another egg-sized lump on the other side of my waist. I panicked - did that mean the chemotherapy wasn't working? Jamie and I rushed to hospital and I was sent for more scans.
The doctor there wouldn't make eye contact with me. He put his head in his hands and told us I'd been misdiagnosed. I had bowel cancer, not ovarian cancer.
THE TUMOUR in my ovary was a secondary tumour of bowel cancer. Jamie and I both turned white. We had watched my father die of bowel cancer four years earlier at the age of 67. Now it was my turn.
Furthermore, I'd been having the wrong treatment, as each cancer requires a different mix and strength of drugs.
The doctor was quick to say the misdiagnosis may not have made much difference to how long I will live because the cancer had already spread all over my body, but that's something we'll never know.
Bowel cancer can be cured if it is caught early enough because surgeons are able to remove the affected part of the bowel. Although no one yet knows what causes this cancer, there does seem to be a strong hereditary link.
We later discovered my ' gastroenteritis' was a classic symptom of bowel cancer. Most people see blood in their stools or find their normal bowel habits very disrupted, or they have anaemia.
I've told my doctor I intend to fight until my dying breath and in return to use me as a guinea pig for every new treatment. I've opted to take part in trials of a new drug, which is meant to reduce sickness.
The strangest thing is that I am free of symptoms. Aside from the tiredness - a side-effect of chemo - and my stomach, which is swelling as the tumour grows ever larger, I don't feel ill at all.
I'd often wondered, while watching my father die, how I would cope should the same thing happen to me. I imagined I would feel desolate.
Yes, I'm livid I am now being taken away from my two young sons and frustrated that the wellbeing of my family after my death is out of my hands. Yet another part of me feels calm.
The video camera has become a permanent attachment because I'm making video diaries for the children. Jack might remember me, but when I think about what I can remember from when I was his age, it's not that much.
I'm not silly enough to think Ben, my younger son, will remember me. I know I'll always be in their hearts, but I want them to have an image of me on video that they can keep, too. We're still essentially a normal, happy family.
Jamie has told me he has cried when he's alone, but he has only done so in front of me once. That was when he came to see me in hospital a couple of weeks ago and found I'd vanished from my bed.
He went round the corridors frantically looking for me and eventually found me in a waiting room. He said I looked so vulnerable in my hospital robes that he burst into tears when he saw me.
I worry every day about what he'll do, and my biggest fear is that he'll fall apart. He has told me he doesn't know how he'll manage - cook, clean, organise the boys - and that he's frightened he won't be able to cope.
He's also dreading when the boys will ask him where I am. All I can say is that when he's in that position, he'll find the strength to cope.
My last wish is to take my children to Disneyworld in Florida. Unfortunately, because I'm terminally ill, my holiday insurance is more than £4,000. We're desperately trying to save in the hope that we can go before I get too ill.
Having that last holiday together and capturing all the fun on video is the final thing I hope for in my life.
Share or comment on this article:
Most watched news videos.
- Welsh crash tragedy: Scene where victims killed in Cardiff smash
- Burkes outside court after being forcibly removed from courtroom
- Killer Wayne Couzens flashes McDonald's staff twice at drive-thru
- Nick Robinson says he'd be 'fired' if he made Lineker's comments
- Shocking moment husband picks up and dumps wife off moving ferry
- Sarah Ferguson says that the Queen was like her mum
- Dog rescued from water after being swept out to sea playing fetch
- A dog and three newborn pups rescued a month after Hatay quake
- Welsh car tragedy: Wreckage removed after horror fatal crash
- Former injured wild crane saved by man refuses to leave his side
- Model whose lip was torn off by dog gives post-surgery update
- Sister of Cardiff crash victim says she's 'heartbroken' and 'numb'
Share what you think
No comments have so far been submitted. Why not be the first to send us your thoughts, or debate this issue live on our message boards.
We are no longer accepting comments on this article.
- Today's headlines
- MORE HEADLINES
- How often should you really be masturbating? Experts give weekly target for men AND women (and the results may shock you)
- Fetus of twin is surgically removed from the SKULL of one-year-old sister in China - after she went to doctor with an enlarged head and cognitive problems
- I'm a sleep expert - this is why falling asleep within 5 minutes is a 'bad sign'
- Eating just ONE portion of leafy greens a day may lower risk of dementia and de-age brain by four years, study suggests
- EXCLUSIVE: Pictured: Cambodian girl, 11, who died from bird flu becoming 2023's first victim and her father who caught and beat the virus - in zoonotic spillover that caused global alarm
- I'm a doctor - here are six things that could be making your period pain worse
- Scientists create mice with TWO biological fathers for the first time - in breakthrough that could pave way for gay men to have children in future
- Wonder weight loss drug will be dished out on the NHS - but experts warn Hollywood's favourite slimming jab with nasty side effects like nausea and diarrhoea is NOT a miracle obesity fix and users can quickly pile pounds back on once they stop
- We all took the new wonder slimming jab - our stunning before-and-after images are proof it works
- Fauci-backed group that funded bat coronavirus tests in Wuhan STILL claims it's just a 'coincidence' that pandemic began in same city as scandal-hit lab - as evidence of a cover-up mounts
- Five ways proven to REALLY stop your snoring - as survey reveals UK's 30 favourite 'hacks' (including taping your mouth shut)
- Everything you need to know about 'game-changing' weight loss jab Wegovy - from how it's different to Ozempic to who can get it and how it works
- Try smiling more - it could lower your risk of a stroke by up to 46%, study suggests
- Covid vaccines couldn't have been fast-tracked any quicker because the virus wasn't deadly enough, Sir Chris Whitty claimed in leaked WhatsApps
- When WILL miracle fat jab Wegovy be available? UK has no supply yet amid warning the ingredient behind 'game-changing' drug will be in 'limited supply' until January 2024
- MOST READ IN DETAIL
- Follow DailyMail
- Subscribe Daily Mail
- Follow @dailymail
- Follow MailOnline
- Follow Daily Mail
MORE DON'T MISS
SHOP BY CATEGORY
- Find the best deals on Home Gym from your favorite brands.
- Find the best deals on Gear from your favorite brands.
- Find the best deals on Fitness Nutrition from your favorite brands.
- Deals and discounts in Womens Active Shoes & Sneakers you don’t want to miss.
- Shop our favorite Makeup finds at great prices.
- Save up to 50% on Skin Care when you shop now.
- Save up to 50% on Hair when you shop now.
- Shop our favorite Bath & Body finds at great prices.
- Find the best deals on Fragrance from your favorite brands.
- Deals and discounts in Nails you don’t want to miss.
- Deals and discounts in Baby Gear you don’t want to miss.
- Find the best deals on Kids Essentials from your favorite brands.
- Find the best deals on Maternity from your favorite brands.
- Save up to 50% on Games & Activities when you shop now.
- Shop our favorite Furniture finds at great prices.
- Shop our favorite Decor finds at great prices.
- Shop the best selection of deals on Storage & Organization now.
- Save up to 50% on Smart Home when you shop now.
- Shop the best selection of deals on Patio Furniture now.
- Shop our favorite Outdoor Lighting finds at great prices.
- Save up to 50% on Pools, Saunas & Spas when you shop now.
- Deals and discounts in Outdoor Heating you don’t want to miss.
- Find the best deals on Outdoor Shades & Structures from your favorite brands.
- These are the best Cooking & Grills deals you’ll find online.
- Save up to 50% on Dining & Entertaining when you shop now.
- Shop our favorite Outdoor Storage finds at great prices.
- Shop the best selection of deals on Food Transportation now.
- Shop our favorite Dog Supplies finds at great prices.
- Shop the best selection of deals on Cat Supplies now.
- These are the best Small Pets Supplies deals you’ll find online.
- Find the best deals on More Pets Supplies from your favorite brands.
- Deals and discounts in Pet Parents you don’t want to miss.
Head Start to Home Cooked
- Back to top
- U.S. Showbiz
Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd
Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
Dec 10, 2019
What Would You Do If You Only Had 3 Months Left To Live?
Will a definite timeframe change your perspective on life it did for one person..
We’re all doing this thing called life. Some are doing it better than others, while others, not so much. There are those who struggle with it every single day and there are those who are crushing it as early as the morning.
More from Ascent Publication
Strive for happier. Join a community of storytellers documenting the climb to happiness and fulfillment.
About Help Terms Privacy
Get the Medium app
Medium writer since 2019, writing my way to a better life, and helping you lead a better life, one article at a time. https://iambennylim.medium.com/membership
Text to speech
- Popular Professionals
- Design & Planning
- Construction & Renovation
- Finishes & Fixtures
- Landscaping & Outdoor
- Systems & Appliances
- Interior Designers & Decorators
- Architects & Building Designers
- Design-Build Firms
- Kitchen & Bathroom Designers
- General Contractors
- Kitchen & Bathroom Remodelers
- Home Builders
- Roofing & Gutters
- Cabinets & Cabinetry
- Tile & Stone
- Hardwood Flooring Dealers
- Landscape Contractors
- Landscape Architects & Landscape Designers
- Home Stagers
- Swimming Pool Builders
- Lighting Designers and Suppliers
- 3D Rendering
- Sustainable Design
- Basement Design
- Architectural Design
- Universal Design
- Energy-Efficient Homes
- Multigenerational Homes
- House Plans
- Home Remodeling
- Home Additions
- Green Building
- Garage Building
- New Home Construction
- Basement Remodeling
- Stair & Railing Contractors
- Cabinetry & Cabinet Makers
- Roofing & Gutter Contractors
- Window Contractors
- Exterior & Siding Contractors
- Carpet Contractors
- Carpet Installation
- Flooring Contractors
- Wood Floor Refinishing
- Tile Installation
- Custom Countertops
- Quartz Countertops
- Cabinet Refinishing
- Custom Bathroom Vanities
- Finish Carpentry
- Cabinet Repair
- Custom Windows
- Window Treatment Services
- Window Repair
- Fireplace Contractors
- Paint & Wall Covering Dealers
- Door Contractors
- Glass & Shower Door Contractors
- Landscape Construction
- Land Clearing
- Garden & Landscape Supplies
- Deck & Patio Builders
- Deck Repair
- Patio Design
- Stone, Pavers, & Concrete
- Paver Installation
- Driveway & Paving Contractors
- Driveway Repair
- Asphalt Paving
- Garage Door Repair
- Fence Contractors
- Fence Installation
- Gate Repair
- Pergola Construction
- Spa & Pool Maintenance
- Swimming Pool Contractors
- Hot Tub Installation
- HVAC Contractors
- Appliance Services
- Solar Energy Contractors
- Outdoor Lighting Installation
- Landscape Lighting Installation
- Outdoor Lighting & Audio/Visual Specialists
- Home Theater & Home Automation Services
- Handyman Services
- Closet Designers
- Professional Organizers
- Furniture & Accessories Retailers
- Furniture Repair & Upholstery Services
- Specialty Contractors
- Color Consulting
- Wine Cellar Designers & Builders
- Home Inspection
- Custom Artists
- Columbus, OH Painters
- New York City, NY Landscapers
- San Diego, CA Bathroom Remodelers
- Minneapolis, MN Architects
- Portland, OR Tile Installers
- Kansas City, MO Flooring Contractors
- Denver, CO Countertop Installers
- San Francisco, CA New Home Builders
- Rugs & Decor
- Home Improvement
- Kitchen & Tabletop
- Bathroom Vanities
- Bathroom Vanity Lighting
- Bathroom Mirrors
- Bathroom Fixtures
- Nightstands & Bedside Tables
- Kitchen & Dining
- Bar Stools & Counter Stools
- Dining Chairs
- Dining Tables
- Buffets and Sideboards
- Kitchen Fixtures
- Desks & Hutches
- Office Chairs
- Living Room
- Armchairs & Accent Chairs
- Coffee & Accent Tables
- Sofas & Sectionals
- Media Storage
- Patio & Outdoor Furniture
- Outdoor Lighting
- Ceiling Lighting
- Pendant Lighting
- Wall Sconces
- Wall Mirrors
- Side & End Tables
- Console Tables
- Living Room Sets
- Chaise Lounges
- Ottomans & Poufs
- Bedroom Furniture
- Bedroom Sets
- Dining Room Sets
- Sideboards & Buffets
- File Cabinets
- Room Dividers
- Furniture Sale
- Trending in Furniture
- Bath Vanities
- Single Vanities
- Double Vanities
- Small Vanities
- Transitional Vanities
- Modern Vanities
- Houzz Curated Vanities
- Best Selling Vanities
- Bathroom Vanity Mirrors
- Medicine Cabinets
- Bathroom Faucets
- Bathroom Sinks
- Shower Doors
- Showerheads & Body Sprays
- Bathroom Accessories
- Bathroom Storage
- Trending in Bath
- How to Choose a Bathroom Vanity
- Patio Furniture
- Outdoor Dining Furniture
- Outdoor Lounge Furniture
- Outdoor Chairs
- Adirondack Chairs
- Outdoor Bar Furniture
- Outdoor Benches
- Wall Lights & Sconces
- Outdoor Flush-Mounts
- Landscape Lighting
- Outdoor Flood & Spot Lights
- Outdoor Decor
- Outdoor Rugs
- Outdoor Cushions & Pillows
- Patio Umbrellas
- Lawn & Garden
- Garden Statues & Yard Art
- Planters & Pots
- Outdoor Sale
- Trending in Outdoor
- 8 x 10 Rugs
- 9 x 12 Rugs
- Hall & Stair Runners
- Home Decor & Accents
- Pillows & Throws
- Decorative Storage
- Faux Florals
- Wall Panels
- Window Treatments
- Curtain Rods
- Blackout Curtains
- Blinds & Shades
- Rugs & Decor Sale
- Trending in Rugs & Decor
- Pendant Lights
- Ceiling Fans
- Track Lighting
- Wall Lighting
- Swing Arm Wall Lights
- Display Lighting
- Table Lamps
- Floor Lamps
- Lamp Shades
- Lighting Sale
- Trending in Lighting
- Bathroom Remodel
- Kitchen Remodel
- Kitchen Faucets
- Kitchen Sinks
- Major Kitchen Appliances
- Cabinet Hardware
- Backsplash Tile
- Mosaic Tile
- Wall & Floor Tile
- Accent, Trim & Border Tile
- Whole House Remodel
- Heating & Cooling
- Building Materials
- Front Doors
- Interior Doors
- Home Improvement Sale
- Trending in Home Improvement
- Cups & Glassware
- Kitchen & Table Linens
- Kitchen Storage and Org
- Kitchen Islands & Carts
- Food Containers & Canisters
- Pantry & Cabinet Organizers
- Kitchen Appliances
- Gas & Electric Ranges
- Range Hoods & Vents
- Beer & Wine Refrigerators
- Small Kitchen Appliances
- Cookware & Bakeware
- Tools & Gadgets
- Kitchen & Tabletop Sale
- Trending in Kitchen & Tabletop
- Storage & Organization
- Baby & Kids
- Cleaning & Laundry
- Pet Supplies
Friend has two months to live- what do you say to them?
My friend just told me that her DH has only two months to live. He was getting chemo. and the doctors stopped it as it wasn't doing any good and told her to take him home and make him as comfortable as possible. He has Leukemia. We will see him tomorrow, BUT what in the world do you say to someone like that?? He knows of course, but it would be easier seeing him if he didn't know...at least for us. Anyone have any words of wisdom to help DH and myself with this? Thanks~
Your friend has been given the inestimable gift of Time - time that will allow a graceful and compassionate exit. He can forgive hurts, surmount fears, and welcome each day as the gift that it is.
He can share that gift of life with his loved ones and friends. All the dross of life falls away and becomes unimportant.
I'd ask him what he thinks what help his wife may need, both when his death is imminent and afterwards. Remember that one almost universal complaint by the surviving spouse is that their friends are there before and for a few months afterwards. But as time goes by, most friends fall away.
I think the title of your post says it all. He doesn't have two months to die - he has two months to LIVE - and live well.
Don't bring it up - let him. It may be too soon for him to talk about it and then again he may want you to know how he feels. If you plan on being there if they need you, then tell him so. He can call, come over or email and you'll be there. Just don't make any promises you won't be able to keep. Talk about some funny times when this or that happened with him. Let him know how much you treasure his friendship. What have you all done together in the past that was enjoyed. Even if a BBQ, suggest and plan another one. Don't treat him as if he's already gone or death is coming in the next few minutes. He's alive and help him enjoy the time he has left. I really don't think anyone will be able to give you the magic words. Seeing him now will be so hard for you. It may be he greets you with a hug and you can hug back. He may cry and you may too. It's never easy when you know the goodbye is much too soon. Take a deep breath and play it by ear taking his lead of how he wants things to go. My heart goes out to you. I now live in a different state than my family. I had to go through this with my sister. I had not seen her for a while and the site of her just broke my heart. She didn't even talk of the cancer. The closest it came was when she asked me to go through her ceramics she'd made and take any I wanted. She died a month later. I miss her terribly but am so thankful I got to tell her face to face how much I loved her. Your heart will know what to do. God Bless Lynn
Thripes Do you just live with them or try to get rid of them?
What would you do? Friend's financial situation
What if you don’t care for your friend’s friends
Sayings - Do you collect them?
"Don't bring it up - let him."
Big ditto to that. He knows. You know. Everyone knows. Death will come on its own schedule. Right now he's still with you. Follow his lead. It will probably be apparent what he enjoys talking about. Unless there are other factors extant that you haven't spoken of, I see no need to walk on eggshells over it. Enjoy what there is to enjoy.
Two months ago, we lost a long-time family friend. He was 94, completely independent -- actually kind of an old fart, actually -- but he'd been part of our circle for sixty years. I visited him in the hospital many times over his three week stay there knowing full-well that his end was coming right up but said nothing...just followed his lead and enjoyed our conversations. Finally, one morning he turned to me and said "I'm dying." I said I knew, then told him he'd had a good run and had much to be proud of. The memories poured out and I tried to make sure they were all good ones. He seemed to take comfort from it. He dozed off with a smile on his face while I was still there. He was dead within hours.
What he had been doing before that, is showing concern over my feelings -- and I let him. He was trying to be a good friend until the last...and he was.
marylmi Original Author
Lynn,jkom51,and asolo, thank you so much for your responses, a lot of good advice here! We dropped in to see him today and his nephew was there sitting with him while his wife was running some errands. I was glad someone else was there too(as I was dreading the first visit) and we all sat and had coffee and just visited. If he ever does bring it up, then since reading these responses, I now know how I will answer him so thank you for that. We will certainly try and give him some happy times while we still have him!
Thanks to all,that have given their hearts to those.
Although this is an old thread, bringing it back up to the top made me remember that early last month, I ran across an article (with examples) on amazing website run by a cancer survivor. The cards are what she would have wanted to receive/hear, and hopefully it will help others:
I ran across this article in Slate and loved it. I want to find these cards, because they are amazing. And I could have used some of them, too, in the last few years:
A Cancer Survivor Designs the Cards She Wishes She’d Received From Friends and Family
Slate.com , May 6, 2015
(excerpt) "Los Angeles–based designer Emily McDowell was diagnosed with Stage 3 Hodgkin’s lymphoma at age 24, enduring nine months of chemo and radiation before going into remission.
“The most difficult part of my illness wasn’t losing my hair, or being erroneously called ‘sir’ by Starbucks baristas, or sickness from chemo,” McDowell writes on her website. “It was the loneliness and isolation I felt when many of my close friends and family members disappeared because they didn’t know what to say, or said the absolute wrong thing without realizing it.”
The 38-year-old designer has been cancer-free ever since. But the emotional impact of the experience lingered, inspiring her to design a newly launched series of Empathy Cards—emotionally direct greeting cards that say the things she wanted to hear when she was ill."
Full article & examples of the cards: http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_eye/2015/05/06/empathy_cards_by_emily_mcdowell_are_greeting_cards_designed_for_cancer_patients.html
Good cards! Some of these would work for Caretakers too.
Once DH was diagnosed with PSP our pool of 'friends' diminished rapidly. I think most didn't know what to say or do and so just stayed away. It was the very few really good ones that were there until the end, and I treasure them.
I would do and say what comes to your heart. Tell this person exactly what you said here. Be honest and open. Tell him that you dont kniw what to say. That your not sure if he wants to talk about it, but you know he has a short time to live and you want him to know just how much he means to you. I've cared for many hospice patients and it's best to live in the truth. Imagine yourself as this person. How would you feel if people came by to visit yet never mentioned the pain and heartache your going through? It's kind of insensitive and a waste of quality time you could be sharing. Talking about the weather or what you just had for lunch while someone is laying there in pain, possibly scared and also uncomfortable because he doesnt want you to feel uncomfortable. Bottom line is, talk about it. It's real. It's happening. Feel your feelings and share your words. These words will be a gift that you will carry forever.
I reminisce with them about all the good memories. We laugh about things we did and tell how much we care for them in our hearts. It's closure for us both, and it feels good for us both.
Visual Senses Design
I have a lady friend 80+ looking good a beauty like Ingrid Bergman type from similar origins. She is a three time survivor already last was a total mastectomy last year. I am quite sure she is not on this site
Today she writes this
I have lately not been feeling all that well.So yesterday because of pain I went to the xxxx hospital.
They did quite a few tests and informed me that my cancer has spread to my abdomen, lung and liver.
I am now waiting to hear from my oncologist and my GP for further information.
I will let you know when I know. I am again back home with painkillers.
I did not know what to say, have lost so many friends in pas five years and to corona also and now this. I told her next sunshine day " I pick you up and we are going to flaunt ourselves on a great lunch on a terrace"
I am planning on overspending on the best there is. What else can one say?
Came here of all places on a Google search and as I am a member I say
My "life is a bitch" day herewith is done, thanks for reading or commenting.
I am 20 years younger gay man rather of the emotional caring type.
I promise I'll post stuff on Houzz again which I hadn't done in ages. And thanks for expensive advertising and Corona19 for teaching me "How to kill a business"
I now go lie back into on one of my favourite murphy bed designs
- About Houzz
- Houzz Credit Cards
- Privacy & Notice
- Do not sell my info
- Mobile Apps
- Copyright & Trademark
- For Professionals
- Remodeling Software
- Floor Planner
- Contractor Leads
- Trade Program
- Buttons & Badges
- Your Orders
- Shipping & Delivery
- Return Policy
- Houzz Canada
- Review Professionals
- Suggested Professionals
- Houzz Support
CONNECT WITH US
- Today’s Paper
- Daily Crossword
- Deforestation Inc
- Health Specials
- Express et al.
- 👑 Express Research
- UPSC Special
Adnan Sami on life before he lost 160 kgs: ‘Was given 6 months to live, couldn’t lift legs to get into a car’
Adnan sami opened up about the time he was told he had six months to live. he eventually lost 160 kilos..
Singer-music composer Adnan Sami went through a massive transformation a few years ago and lost around 160 kilos. In a recent interview, Adnan opened up about how at one point in his life, he could not even lie down to sleep and had to sleep sitting straight up. The Kabhi To Nazar Milao singer said that it was almost impossible for him to move his legs up in that phase and his drivers were trained to lift his legs when he had to sit inside the car.
Talking to Brut India, Adnan recalled that meeting with the doctor where he was told, “I wouldn’t be surprised if your parents found you dead in a hotel room six months from now. I’ll never forget that sentence because it stuck so badly in my head.” The Udi Udi singer said that it hurt him even more because his father was sitting next to him.
- 1 When Javed Akhtar said Sahir Ludhianvi was a ‘paradoxical man’, Gulzar revealed why he’s special: ‘Unke wajah se pehli baar geetkar ka naam…’
- 2 BTS’ Suga, the ‘North Star’ of the band: Quiet guidance to sacrificing food for J-Hope, how the rapper is band’s pillar of support
- 3 BTS’ Jimin reveals Jin had lost his appetite at military camp, says he is now ‘stronger’ than before: ‘He has adjusted well…’
The singer shared that people often called him “cute” and “golu molu” but behind that “entire facade, I was going through a lot of trouble.” He shared, “I had sleep apnea. I could not sleep lying down. For years, I slept sitting like you are sitting right now.” He also added, “A point came that my legs became so heavy that I couldn’t lift them up to get into the car. My drivers were trained that the moment I came near the car, they would lift my leg and put it in the car and they did it in such a discreet manner that nobody would really realise ‘what the hell happened just now?'”
In another section of the video, Adnan recalled that when he weighed around 230 kilos, he would binge on brownies constantly. He shared that while recording music, he would have a large tray of brownies on his side and he would eat those like “people eat peanuts.” He recalled, “A lot of people who saw me at that time, they were traumatised by it but they still remember it . They say, ‘remember the time when you used to have so many brownies when we used to record?'”
Adnan Sami first made it big in the 1990s with songs like ‘Lift Kara De’ and ‘Kabhi To Nazar Milao’.
Mumbai News Highlights: PM Modi should clarify stand on Maha-Belagavi border row, demands Uddhav Thackeray
Best of Express
Mar 09: Latest News
- Elections 2023
- Political Pulse
- Web Stories
Cookies on GOV.UK
We use some essential cookies to make this website work.
We’d like to set additional cookies to understand how you use GOV.UK, remember your settings and improve government services.
You have accepted additional cookies. You have rejected additional cookies. You can change your cookie settings at any time.
- Manage an existing benefit, payment or claim
Get benefits if you're nearing the end of life
You could get money to help with living costs if you’re nearing the end of life because of an illness.
If your doctor or a medical professional has told you that you might have 12 months or less to live, you might be able to:
- get benefits at a higher rate or get extra money
- start getting payments quicker than usual
This is sometimes called ‘special rules for end of life’.
For some benefits, you’ll only get special rules if a medical professional has told you that you might have 6 months or less to live.
If you get special rules for 3 years, your claim will be reviewed.
This guide is also available in Welsh (Cymraeg) .
Making your claim
You can apply for benefits straight away.
You should ask a medical professional to fill in a form so you can get benefits under special rules. They will have the form. The exact form they need to fill in depends on which benefit you’re applying for.
Medical professionals include:
- hospital doctors
- registered nurses (for example, Macmillan nurses or specialist nurses)
They will send it to the Department for Work and Pensions ( DWP ) to support your benefit application, or you can send it yourself. The address is on the form.
Applying on behalf of someone else
You’ll need to become an appointee to apply on behalf of someone else, unless you’re applying for:
- Attendance Allowance
Personal Independence Payment ( PIP )
Disability living allowance ( dla ) for children, if you’ve reached state pension age.
You can apply for Attendance Allowance. You do not have to have someone looking after you to be eligible for Attendance Allowance.
You can apply yourself or someone else can do it for you. Find out how to claim Attendance Allowance .
If you’ve been told that you might have 6 months or less to live you can apply for Attendance Allowance under special rules.
To claim under special rules, ask a medical professional to complete form DS1500. They can send it to DWP or you can send it yourself - the address is on the form.
If you already get Attendance Allowance or Disability Living Allowance ( DLA ) for adults but your condition has worsened and you’re not expected to live more than 6 months, call the Disability Service Centre .
If you’re under State Pension age
If you’re 16 or over and have not reached State Pension age , check if you’re eligible for these benefits:
Employment and Support Allowance ( ESA )
You may be eligible to get 2 or 3 of these benefits at the same time, depending on your circumstances.
You can apply for ESA to get help with costs if you’re ill or disabled and cannot work. Find out how to claim ESA if you’re eligible .
If you’ve been told that you might have 12 months or less to live you can apply for ESA under special rules.
To claim under special rules, you should ask a medical professional to complete form SR1 and send it to DWP . You can also send it to the address on the form yourself.
You can apply for Universal Credit to get help with your living costs if you’re on a low income or out of work. Find out how to claim Universal Credit if you’re eligible .
If you’ve been told that you might have 12 months or less to live you can apply for Universal Credit under special rules.
Getting support if you might have 6 months or less to live
If you’ve been told that you might have 6 months or less to live, you should ask a medical professional to send form DS1500 to DWP . This means you can apply for Personal Independence Payment ( PIP ) under special rules if you’re eligible.
When your health condition is critical
If you are already getting ESA or Universal Credit but your condition has worsened and you’re not expected to live more than 12 months, you need to report a change of circumstances .
If you’ve been told that you might have 6 months or less to live, you can apply for PIP under special rules.
Find out how to claim PIP .
If you already get PIP but your condition has worsened and you’re not expected to live more than 6 months, you need to report a change of circumstances .
If you already get DLA for adults
DLA for adults has been replaced by PIP . If you already get DLA for adults but your condition has worsened and you’re not expected to live more than 6 months, you can contact the Disability Service Centre to report a change of circumstances .
If your child might have 6 months or less to live
DLA for children helps with extra costs if your child is under 16 and has difficulty walking or needs extra looking after. If your child is 16 or over you can apply for PIP instead.
Find out how to claim DLA for children .
If you already get DLA for children but your child’s condition has worsened and they’re not expected to live more than 6 months, you need to report a change of circumstances .
If you’re eligible, you could get Universal Credit or Employment and Support Allowance at the same time as DLA for children.
If you’re caring for someone
You may be eligible for financial support if you care for someone who is nearing the end of life.
If you care for someone for at least 35 hours a week, check if you can get Carer’s Allowance .
If you care for someone at least 20 hours a week and you’re under State Pension age, check if you can get Carer’s Credit .
Help and support
If you need support after your diagnosis or with applying for benefits you can get help from the following:
- Marie Curie - care and support at the end of life
- Together for Short Lives - support for seriously ill children and their families
- Rainbow Trust - support for families with seriously ill children
- Macmillan Cancer Support - practical and emotional support at the end of life
- Carers Trust - support and advice for carers
- Carers UK - support and advice for carers
- Citizens Advice - for financial advice and support
- Money Helper - advice on money and benefits
Is this page useful.
- Yes this page is useful
- No this page is not useful
Help us improve GOV.UK
Don’t include personal or financial information like your National Insurance number or credit card details.
To help us improve GOV.UK, we’d like to know more about your visit today. We’ll send you a link to a feedback form. It will take only 2 minutes to fill in. Don’t worry we won’t send you spam or share your email address with anyone.
The Experiment Continues...
What could you do in 6 months?
The Art of Mistake Making
"Do you remember how many times you fell down when you were learning to walk?"
DREAMS BEGIN WITH SELF-LOVE
"I had a choice. Believe all the reasons I couldn't or believe all the reasons I could."
The “A” Word
A Well-Loved Woman
The gift of 2020, we need a leader.
View All Stories
Join our Community!
This website is now a global community of people who inspire, enliven, and empower one another in truly living!
Join our network by signing up for our awesome newsletter , sharing your thoughts in the comments section of the blog, and by sharing and engaging on Twitter , Facebook , Pinterest , and Instagram !
Sign up for 2020 "6 Months to Live" Updates!
© 2023 6 Months to Live: The Experiment Continues. All rights reserved. Legal | Designed by Elfatrany
- The Academy
All rights reserved. | Legal Designed by Elfatrany
Reports of radio presenter Mark Pilgrim’s ‘death’ spread like wildfire on Thursday evening, but have since been confirmed as fake news. Image via Instagram @markpilgrimza
RIP: Mark Pilgrim was originally given three months to live
Legendary radio host Mark Pilgrim was given three months to live when he was diagnosed with lung cancer early last year.
Late South African radio veteran Mark Pilgrim is being remembered as a fighter by his family, friends and fans after his heroic battle with stage four cancer.
The 53-year-old sadly died on Sunday, 5 March, in the presence of his fiancée, Adrienne Watkins.
MUST READ | Mark Pilgrim’s bittersweet final interview: ‘I want to be well again’
DOCTORS GAVE MARK PILGRIM THREE MONTHS TO LIVE
According to News24 , his managing director at HOT 102.7FM , Leeroy Marundai, revealed that he was initially given three months to live when he was diagnosed with the deadly illness last year. However, Pilgrim fought for much longer.
Marundai told the publication that the radio presenter was determined to try everything. He described Pilgrim as a fighter, saying his condition deteriorated overnight as he was still communicating with them on Saturday.
ALSO READ: ‘He was communicating on Saturday’: Boss on Mark Pilgrim
Paying tribute to the radio giant, the radio station said on Sunday: “HOT1027 DJ Mark Pilgrim lost his battle with cancer this morning.
“He fought valiantly to the very end. Mark passed peacefully with his fiancé Adrienne at home.
“His family thank you for being part of his journey, for loving him, celebrating him, and supporting him always”.
ALSO READ: ‘Fought valiantly to the end’: Hot 102.7 confirm Mark Pilgrim’s death
THE RADIO JOCK’S CANCER BATTLE
Pilgrim’s first cancer battle was at the age of 18 when he was first diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1988. He endured surgery and months-long chemotherapy before he was declared in remission.
Unfortunately, 33 years later — in 2022 — his cancer returned.
Sharing the news on his social media at the time, he wrote: “I’m not Chuck Norris. Yes, I am scared. I am also strong. Both emotions run parallel with each other. I’m under the care of incredible doctors and surrounded by love. This is my story. And there are more chapters to come.”
ALSO READ: Born in England: What to know about radio star Mark Pilgrim
Pilgrim documented his journey across all his social media accounts, updating fans on his progress and treatment.
After weeks of treatment, he revealed that all the tumours in his leg, lung, spine and lymph nodes were shrinking.
In June he was diagnosed with COVID-19 and was finally out of isolation and on his way to recovery again.
He continued to share his medical journey as he explained posts are to encourage people to find the inner strength to face another day.
In October he shared images of himself undergoing treatment. Pilgrim revealed one lung had collapsed and shared graphic pics showing two litres of fluid being drained from his chest cavity.
Later that month, he posted that he had to undergo surgery to sort out his collapsed lung.
In November he had a positive update as he wrote: “A quick update on my journey to health over the past couple of months. My tumours are shrinking and I’m on track to regain balance in my body.” This was before getting cabin fever.
After 30 days in an ICU bed, he was moved to the general ward. He described it as a “step closer to being home.”
Starting 2023 on a happy and positive note, Pilgrim proposed to his “rock” — Adrienne Watkins — who was by his side throughout the journey.
ALSO READ: By his side ’til the end: Mark’s fiancée offered love, support
Weeks later, the media personality shared that he felt as though his body was depleting. His post was accompanied by a heartbreaking image showing his drastic weight loss.
“A lot of sleeping the past few days. Body is depleted. After chemo and immuno last Thursday it’s been pouring out both ends. I’m like a shrivelled pea.”
Huawei Mate50 Pro – a flagship phone with a class-leading camera and rugged build quality. CLICK HERE for more.
Mr Beast donates 20 000 shoes to kids in South Africa – VIDEO
SIX players linked with Chiefs moves
LION on the LOOSE, more resources for search
Royal AM boss in hot water: Guard alleges ‘MaMkhize attacked me’
Royal titles: Difference between Queen and Queen Consort
Bongani Mtolo dumps Radio 2000
Tucker Carlson’s Jan. 6 Footage Dump Delivers the Sloppy Propaganda Kevin McCarthy Wanted
- By Nikki McCann Ramirez
Nikki McCann Ramirez
Last month, Fox News’ Tucker Carlson was granted exclusive access to the trove of more than 44,000 hours of Capitol surveillance footage by House Speaker Kevin McCarthy . On Monday night Carlson released the first installment of his analysis of the tapes, telling viewers that the vast majority of the protestors who breached the Capitol on Jan. 6 were not insurrectionists but “orderly and meek” sightseers .
Carlson opened his Monday night monologue by reiterating the network’s claims of 2020 election malfeasance, stating that the “2020 election was a grave betrayal of American democracy given the facts that have since emerged about that election. No honest person can deny it.”
The Fox host and his guests crafted an image of peaceful protesters, who were ushered into the Capitol by police officers and spent their time exploring the complex with an air of “reverence.” Charlie Hurt, appearing as a guest on the show, falsely asserted that there was “no evidence” rioters inside the capitol were armed.
Carlson declared that members of the Jan. 6 Committee “lied about what they saw and then hid the evidence from the public, as well as from January 6th criminal defendants and their lawyers.”
Carlson claims the Jan 6. committee "lied about what they saw and then hid the evidence from the public, as well as from January 6th criminal defendants and their lawyers." pic.twitter.com/DBDAJnotwc — nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) March 7, 2023
The 200 greatest singers of all time, the 500 greatest songs of all time, the 100 greatest tv shows of all time, the 100 best albums of 2022.
Bizarrely enough, the episode featured plenty of images of rioters battering through police lines, breaking through windows and doors, and fighting with cops. Carlson would use this footage to claim that images of violent rioters were a propaganda tool used to paint all of the rioters as violent, when the majority were simply milling about the Capitol. If one looks at the scope of charges brought against those who unlawfully entered the Capitol on Jan. 6, the narrative crumbles. Only about half of the estimated 2,000 participants have been charged, a majority of those with non-violent offenses including trespassing, disorderly conduct, and obstructing an official proceeding. Relatively few of those found guilty have been sentenced to prison.
McCarthy’s decision to provide exclusive access to the footage to Carlson and his team prompted bipartisan backlash against the pair , especially given Carlson’s well established habit of obfuscating and downplaying the events of Jan. 6 on air.
House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries called the decision “an egregious security breach that endangers the hardworking women and men of the United States Capitol Police,” in a memo to House Democrats, and told CNN that it was “not clear” to him that law enforcement had the chance to vet the footage and assess any security risks before Carlson was given access.
Trump Privately Proposes Wave of High-Level Jan. 6 Pardons
Tucker carlson on trump: ‘i hate him passionately’, tucker carlson’s jan. 6 propaganda bomb was a giant dud .
In November 2021, Carlson produced a three-part “documentary” titled Patriot Purge , which argued that Jan. 6 — and the consequences for its participants — were part of a domestic war on terror against conservatives and an attempted purge of “legacy Americans.” The heavily produced series went so far as to compare the arrest of participants in the riot to the torture and abuse of inmates in Abu Ghraib prison.
Carlson’s own treatment of the events of Jan. 6 is the vanguard of a large-scale effort by Republicans to rewrite the events of the day, an effort that stems from the highest echelons of the party.
During the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol, McCarthy called Trump and begged him to call off the rioters, and shortly after said that the former president “bears responsibility” for the attack in a speech on the House floor, despite having voted against Biden’s certification himself. In the years since, McCarthy and the GOP’s focus has shifted to ensuring their own asses are covered from the consequences of the Capitol attack.
House Republicans have been linked to meetings and planning sessions with the organizers of the rally-turned-riot, and more than 100 members of the Republican caucus supported efforts by Trump to usurp the 2020 election results. The Jan. 6 Select Committee voted to make ethics referrals against House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, and Reps. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), Andy Biggs (R-Ariz.), and Scott Perry (R-Pa.).
It’s in this climate that McCarthy handed thousands of hours of footage to a Fox News production team, at a time when the network itself is facing intense public scrutiny for their role in spreading false election claims and conspiracies.
Miley's Whole Career Has Been Building to This Moment
Tucker carlson’s no good, very bad week , jenna ortega does not want to do the 'wednesday' dance in 'snl' promo, gang members hold positions at ‘highest levels’ of la sheriff’s department, investigation reveals.
In a separate filing released in late February, Fox Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch admitted in a deposition that hosts on the network had endorsed claims of election fraud despite pushback from Fox’s board. Murdoch acknowledged that he could have reined in the network’s coverage, but instead pushed back against hosts and analysts who denounced the conspiracies being aired on the channel.
Through the Dominion lawsuit , it looks like at least some of the chickens may be coming home to collect payment from Fox. The network’s long-held legal mantra that their hosts are “entertainers” who cannot be trusted by audiences to deliver truthful coverage may shatter, but the network’s reputation remains. McCarthy chose to give the footage to Carlson precisely because Carlson would treat it in the manner most beneficial to the GOP’s narrative about Jan. 6.
Mitch McConnell Hospitalized After Fall at D.C. Hotel
- By Charisma Madarang
Fox Execs Were Furious Fox Reporters Fact-Checked Fraud Claims
Sarah Huckabee Sanders Paves Way for Child Labor Exploitation
- The Nation's Future
- By Ryan Bort
- By Asawin Suebsaeng and Patrick Reis
Chris rock shreds will smith with oscar slap jokes: 'everybody called him a b---- and who does he hit me', aldi is selling a cordless dyson vacuum alternative & fans can't believe the price, chris rock slams will smith in live comedy special for netflix: "i'm not a victim, baby", mcdonald's franchisees say cardi b and offset meal broke 'golden arch code', you might also like, bob odenkirk says he’s starring in a remake of tommy wiseau’s ‘the room’: ‘i tried my best to sell every line’, paco delgado talks creating john wick’s wardrobe, can nasal strips quiet disruptive snoring we asked an ent whether these adhesives do anything, cara delevingne calls out industry for magnifying mental health struggles, fast ball: mlb’s new rules speed up games, shift manager tactics.
Copyright © 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. All Rights reserved.
Verify it's you
Please log in.
- Partners Sage Tax-Year End Ahead of the Curve What If?
Thursday, 09 March
Mark Pilgrim refused to give up: 'He was originally given only three months'
When Mark Pilgrim was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in March last year, doctors gave him three months to live.
But the legendary South African radio host simply refused to give up.
"He was determined to try everything," Lloyd Madurai, managing director of HOT 102.7FM, told News24 on Sunday shortly after the news of Pilgrim's death broke.
- WATCH | Man tries to open jet’s door on packed flight
- WATCH | Newlyweds sue tour company for allegedly abandoning them in the ocean
- Harry and Meghan's daughter christened with a royal title - 'Princess Lilibet Diana'
- Sweden's Princess Madeleine to move back home
- Topless US maid makes almost R40 000 per day cleaning houses, but it's so risky she has a bodyguard
- EXCLUSIVE | Ramaphosa asked for a plan to cut Cabinet bloat. He's had one on his desk for 4 years
- IN-DEPTH | Too big for efficiency, too slack for change: Ramaphosa's reshuffle questioned
- PIC vs Survé-linked AYO: PIC staff 'had no time' to check docs ahead of 'rushed' R4.3bn deal
- First priority for new Cogta minister: Bring stability to SA's chaotic coalition-led municipalities
- Low-income households now spend 47% more on groceries than in 2019 – report
Life - Daily
Take a breather in your busy day with this curated collection of relaxing reads, real-life stories, interviews, everyday tips, and expert insights.
Play daily crosswords, sudoku, puzzles, and more
Contact the public editor with feedback for our journalists, complaints, queries or suggestions about articles on News24.
Dad given months to live after returning from holiday with 'tickly cough'
Martin Hughes went to see his GP when his tickly cough lingered for two months
- 06:00, 9 MAR 2023
New era, new Blues? Sign up for the EFC email bulletin for all the latest Everton news
Thank you for subscribing!
We have more newsletters
A dad who suffered with a lingering tickly cough after coming back from holiday in Greece has been given months to live.
Martin Hughes, 37, from Rainhill came back from a holiday in Greece in November 2022 and noticed he had a tickly cough. Just before Christmas, the dad told his friend, Richard Maxwell, how he needed to book a doctors appointment as the cough had not gone away.
Around one month later Martin's doctor told him he had throat cancer but said "not to worry" as most forms of the condition are easily treated. But after further tests, doctors diagnosed Martin with a rare cancer of the throat - small cell neuroendocrine carcinoma - after finding it had started in his bowel and spread to the throat.
READ MORE: Thomas Cashman trial updates as jury told of moment mum realised Olivia Pratt-Korbel had been shot
Richard, who has been friends with Martin since they were three-years-old told The ECHO : "They have told him it's going to be months he has left to live. He's not in palliative care or anything, he is at home and fine in himself.
"Martin is fighting for his life with all the stubbornness and enthusiasm he has. He's a stubborn b*****d and this won't beat him.
"I do think he's putting on a brave face for everybody at the moment."
Martin, who is a huge Everton fan and now lives in Maghull, stopped working as a plasterer after he was diagnosed with the rare cancer and has now started Chemotherapy. He was told by doctors immunotherapy may help prolong his life, but he does not meet the criteria for this to be administered on the NHS.
Richard, who lives in St Helens , said: "Because the cancer spread from his bowel and straight to his throat, missing out his lungs he doesn't fit the criteria to have it [immunotherapy] on the NHS. He doesn't tick a box.
"He is using oxygen tanks, and other treatments, this cost is currently approximately £6,500 every three weeks, this barely being met by Martin and his family. This cost will not stop, it will only increase as the weeks go on."
Martin's friends have now created a GoFundMe page with the goal of raising £7,000 to help pay for some of his treatment. Richard along with Roberto Bromilow, Michael Wilson, Daniel Mather and Craig Witton will be doing a bike ride from Goodison Park to Old Trafford on April 8 in the hope of raising money towards the GoFundMe.
There is also a fundraising night being organised for March 31 to "further add to the pot".
Richard said: "Being faced with this battle, financial implications are the last thing he should be worrying about. Times are hard financially for everyone and we appreciate that, but if anyone could spare anything to help save the life of one of the kindest, most loveable lads you would ever meet, it would be appreciated by everyone who has ever had the privilege of meeting Martin."
To donate to Martin's GoFundMe page, click here .
Schoolchildren arrested after horrific cat attack video emerges
Woman 'gave Thomas Cashman new clothes' after Olivia Pratt-Korbel was shot
Eurovision Song Contest tickets being resold for £11,000
When and where snow will fall as Met Office issues four day weather warning
Home Bargains is selling a £23 keratin shampoo for 99p
- Most Recent
Sheffield woman tackling 'next global pandemic' despite devastating cancer diagnosis
Kirsty Smitten has been given seven months to live but is still sweeping awards with her groundbreaking research
- 05:00, 9 MAR 2023
News presented through a female lens and a shot of inspiration
Thank you for subscribing!
We have more newsletters
Kirsty Smitten was given a prognosis of around seven months in February after she was diagnosed with an extremely rare type of cancer.
For most of us, this type of news might make us think about spending a bit more time on the beach or something similar. For Kirsty it was just another in a long line of sparks which have led her to becoming an award-winning entrepreneur at the age of 28.
And she shows no signs of slowing down, working what she says are like three full time jobs. Her day job as a groundbreaking scientist running Sheffield company MetalloBio, her side job of raising awareness on what she describes as the 'next global pandemic' in antimicrobial resistance and managing and searching for a cure to her own rare cancer.
Read More: Mum suffers three 'terrifying' brain haemorrhages after 'losing her hearing' on family holiday
Antimicrobial resistance is a growing worry across the globe, it boils down to bacteria, viruses, fungi and parasites building up resistance to existing medicines. The result is that traditional medicines and medicines based on traditional formulas become ineffective over time.
It is estimated that today, antimicrobial resistance (AMR) is responsible for 1.2 million deaths every year. A recent review carried out by the UK government estimated that this will rise to 10 million a year by 2050, superseding cancer and equating to a death every three seconds.
Through her research at Sheffield University on a Masters Degree and a PHD, Kirsty, originally from Solihull began to develop new ways to combat the problem of AMR. She took the plunge and formed spin-off company MetalloBio in 2021 and her research continues to look at two new compounds that it is hoped will form a new class of antibiotics.
But Kirsty's connection to her research runs far deeper than interest. She said: "I have a friend that has Kidney failure who is on my football team. She only has one functioning kidney and is catheterised and uses a colostomy bag.
"Her situation is that she is resistant to almost all the antibiotics available, there is just one that is still effective for her and when that stops working she is out of options. He life expectancy is very, very short.
"I also have a very personal connection in that I've been diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. I have what is known as primary cardiac angiosarcoma which has a prognosis of around seven months.
"I'm undergoing intense chemotherapy sessions to try and extend that but this leaves me very vulnerable. If I pick up an infection in hospital I am at serious risk."
Kirsty first experience symptoms of her cancer in November 2022, three weeks after the tragic and unexpected death of her dad. She woke with severe chest pains, as these continued it was believed by doctors she had pulled a muscle.
Subsequent scans found a mass in Kirsty's chest cavity. In February this year she was given the devastating news that this was an incurable form of cancer with an extremely short life expectancy.
Primary cardiac angiosarcoma is an extremely rare form of cancer that affects only one in 20 million people. Due to its low incidence rate it is not well understood and a this time carries the certainty of a poor prognosis.
Kirsty said she is reaching a point where she is considering selling her home to seek treatment in The USA where specialists are more familiar with the cancer. Her friends are raising money to help with awareness for all types of Sarcoma through charity Sarcoma Uk.
Despite all that is going on in her personal life, and perhaps spurred on by it, on International Women's Day Kirsty has been announced as one of the winners of Innovate UK’s Women in Innovation Awards thanks to her work with MetalloBio. She joins a cohort of 50 winners who will each benefit from a £50,000 grant, one-to-one business coaching, and a suite of networking, role modelling, and training opportunities.
Speaking about her experiences as a woman in STEM and in business, Kirsty said: "I think it is still quite difficult for women in my field. For example at an investors event out of 50 speakers I was one of only three women.
"Often it can feel like we're looked down upon by a traditional elite which is made up of mainly men who all know each other. They're used to their way of things, I don't think it helps me being so young either.
"A recent funding review found that only 3% goes to women-led projects. On the other hand there are a lot of emerging places for help and support aimed at women and that is really promising.
"Innovate UK is one of those and the Women in Innovation Awards provide more than just a grant. It is about building that network of women in the field, the coaching and training alongside the grants that power the businesses."
To hear more about Kirsty's journey you can read her blog Kicking the Big C with Kirsty here . She also regularly posts updates about her journey on a dedicated Instagram page . You can find Kirsty's friends fundraising efforts here .
Family frantic with worry for 'generous' missing Abdul make emotional plea on 24th day of search
Sheffield drug dealer tried to dump cocaine and heroin as police chased him
All the Yorkshire Schools named in the Sunday Times' Parent Power guide
Obscene murals and dirty hot tub found inside former Sheffield sex club
Eddie Izzard changes name to Suzy to fulfil dream she has had for 51 years
- Most Recent
Given 6 months to live 5 Feb 2019 22:55 in response to Esstee Hi, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in November and it has spread to liver and lungs. We were told 3-6 months without treatment and 10-12 months with, however, the treatment is currently on hold as it is making him very poorly.
I've been given six months to live Sarah Hitchin Fri 18 May 2007 19.03 EDT In March I found out that I had six months to live. Even though I have been battling leukaemia since December 2004 -...
Her doctor said she had about six months to live. But she died just over one month later. Are doctors usually this bad at predicting how long patients will survive? Answer: Unfortunately, doctors get it wrong more often than they get it right and most of the time they overestimate how long patients will live.
The neurologist that examined him said he likely had six months to live. A battery of tests and consultations followed, all bringing the same conclusion: It may not be six months, but he had...
One of my best friends from Oakland called me on Tuesday to tell me was given 6-12 months to live, and that's IF he undergoes Chemo. He's only 46 years old, Him and his wife and 13 year old daughter are dear friends of ours. TBW and I were both in their wedding and lived next door to them for 6 years in Oakland.
She was given just a few months to live. "And at the end of it, all they came and said, you have the rarest form of cancer that has metastasized into your liver and is going really fast,"...
Here are some suggestions for living your life as if you only had six months left: Stop caring so much what other people think. You know what Eleanor Roosevelt says: "You wouldn't worry what others think about you when you realize how seldom they actually do." Be fearless. Finish the book you're writing, or the project, or the whatever it is.
Now my time is almost up - Part 3 : scarystories. 100. Posted by 1 year ago. I was given six months to live. Now my time is almost up - Part 3. Part 1. Part 2. I was stunned by what my sister had just told me. She had said and done some stupid things in the time that I had known her--sleeping with my wife, for example, was not her best moment ...
A MAN who was given six months to live with an inoperable form of cancer claims he is alive today due to a low-carb keto diet. Pablo Kelly decided to reject traditional and recommended treatments in favour of a meat and fat heavy diet after he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. The dad, from Plymouth, first noticed something was wrong when he ...
Last night the oncologist told us that he now has cancer in his lungs, lymph nodes, and liver. Operating is not an option, and with chemo he could live 6-12 months. The family is in shock, and I think he is in denial. He didnt say much last night, and mentioned the possibility of getting a second opinion, or the tests results being a mistake ...
Convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi was given less than three months to live when he was released. He died two years and nine months later. Photograph: Reuters TV/Reuters...
When death is within days or hours, your loved one may: Not want food or drink. Stop peeing and having bowel movements. Grimace, groan, or scowl from pain. You may notice their: Eyes tear or glaze ...
I've had plenty of patients with life expectancies less than 6 months or one year survive 5 or 10 years. Like most things in life, it's a bell curve and someone can end up at the tail and do much better than hoped for or expected. Giving bad news about limited life expectancy is a gut wrenching experience.
Subject: What Would You Do if You Were Given 6 Months to Live? Close your eyes and visualize you sitting across from a doctor. The doctor just informed you that you will die in 6 months. You accept the news and now have to accept the reality. You have 6 months to live. No medicine will save you. No praying is gonna alter your life.
According to his diagnosis, I was given no more than 6 months , or as long as between 3 to 5 years to live because of my End Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. ... I also had a lady friend who was diagnosed ...
A prognosis is not an absolute number. Now doctors are acknowledging just how uncertain the course of an illness can be.
Maria Derosa, a 41-year-old hospital administrator from Enfield, London, has been diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and has months left to live. On Saturday, Maria married her partner of ten...
He finally had the courage to live the life that he'd always wanted to live. And he had no regrets aside from not doing those things sooner. It took a definite timeframe of his life to be...
Your friend has been given the inestimable gift of Time - time that will allow a graceful and compassionate exit. He can forgive hurts, surmount fears, and welcome each day as the gift that it is. He can share that gift of life with his loved ones and friends. All the dross of life falls away and becomes unimportant.
Singer-music composer Adnan Sami went through a massive transformation a few years ago and lost around 160 kilos. In a recent interview, Adnan opened up about how at one point in his life, he could not even lie down to sleep and had to sleep sitting straight up. The Kabhi To Nazar Milao singer said that it was almost impossible for him to move his legs up in that phase and his drivers were ...
If your child might have 6 months or less to live DLA DLA for children helps with extra costs if your child is under 16 and has difficulty walking or needs extra looking after. If your child...
A Well-Loved Woman. My sweet Mama, Susan Cecil Boone, passed peacefully February 16th surrounded by loved ones. You've often heard me speak of the love and respect I had for my Grandmother, but the woman who taught me the meaning of unconditional love is my sweet Mama. My Mom, sister, and I Those that know me well know how close I was to….
Watch daily News in a minute videos from The South African YouTube page for all that you really need to know! Pilgrim's first cancer battle was at the age of 18 when he was first diagnosed with ...
DOCTORS GAVE MARK PILGRIM THREE MONTHS TO LIVE. According to News24, his managing director at HOT 102.7FM, Leeroy Marundai, revealed that he was initially given three months to live when he was ...
Tucker Carlson's Jan. 6 Footage Dump Delivers the Sloppy Propaganda Kevin McCarthy Wanted. Using cherry picked clips, Carlson called Capitol rioters "orderly and meek" sightseers. Last month ...
When Mark Pilgrim was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in March last year, doctors gave him three months to live. But the legendary South African radio host simply refused to give up. "He was determined to try everything," Lloyd Madurai, managing director of HOT 102.7FM, told News24 on Sunday shortly after the news of Pilgrim's death broke.
06:00, 9 MAR 2023. Martin Hughes was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and was given months to live after suffering from a cough (Image: Submitted) A dad who suffered with a lingering tickly ...
Kirsty has been given just seven months to live after being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer (Image: Kirsty Smitten) But Kirsty's connection to her research runs far deeper than interest. She said: "I have a friend that has Kidney failure who is on my football team. She only has one functioning kidney and is catheterised and uses a ...